To be stronger, against YOU.
Contributed by
audaudaud
on
Monday, 10th November 2008 @ 11:39:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
The night before a major exam paper,
I was nursing a cold and fever,
feeling all sick and weak.
I thought you understood,
You did shout at me less these days,
although i was still constantly in fear,
as this rare silence will crash anytime, for sure.
And it did, sure enough,
because of a newspaper.
Just because of a newspaper you couldn't find,
It was as if I commited an unforgivable crime.
Shouting, screaming, banging,
even past midnight.
Accusing the whole world but yourself,
for misplacing that one newspaper.
Pointing all fingers at me,
for removing it from where it was,
you seemed so very sure.
The stress and the tiredness,
from the slew of exam papers,
the engulfing heat from the fever,
and the not-so-unexpected eruption from you here.
What could stop those tears i wonder.
But when you saw me wiping them away,
Your voice you raise,
"You've only yourself to blame for being sick,"
"So don't you show me that attitude, don't show me that face!"
So now i see, I have myself to blame,
for falling so sick,
for wanting to do well in the exams this week,
and for letting those teardrops fall so quick.
(I probably have myself to blame as well,
for being your daughter, ********.)
I can't believe i actually felt hurt.
The weakening of my immune system,
and the falling of my self-built barrier,
are so closely coupled.
The falling of that barrier i had in my head,
against all your frequent and harsh criticism.
Yes, I too have to take full blame tonight,
for feeling hurt just by your usual cynism.
As the hot tears continue flowing, when i got to bed,
the anger with myself was growing.
I vowed to go hungry, for two whole days each week.
To build that barrier again, brick, by brick, by brick.
To constantly remind myself in the hunger,
that i must grow even stronger,
against sun and rain,
against hunger and pain, and
against YOU, the same.
Copyright ©
audaudaud
... [
2008-11-10 23:39:40] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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