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Maker of broken promises
Contributed by
Shattered_soul
on
Monday, 10th November 2008 @ 01:29:12 AM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
It started with a kiss
Even in my dreams
I get those butterflies
You take over my heart,
My body,
Soul,
And mind
Every single time
You get that look in your eyes
And I melt at just the memories
You take my hand
And it brings tears to my eyes
How can you say you miss me
And still be with her
When the hell did I ever do wrong?
I loved you so much
And you screwd me over
Worser then anyone’s ever done so!
You are the maker of broken promises.
Thank you for my experience.
Copyright ©
Shattered_soul
... [
2008-11-10 01:29:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Maker of broken promises
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy on
Monday, 10th November 2008 @ 05:43:38 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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well done...i enjoyed...
Puppy :) |
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Re: Maker of broken promises
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 10th November 2008 @ 07:14:50 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I liked your write but there is so much more
potential in it. Try using wore words to describe your feelings. such as:
It started with a (beautiful, sensuous, ...)kiss
Even in my (deepest, loneliest) dreams
I get those (fluttering) butterflies
You take over my (open, burdened) heart
Doing so adds more color and/or meaning
to your write.
Overall, still a good write...........Mike |
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