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Forever Temporary
Contributed by
Recyclebin
on
Sunday, 9th November 2008 @ 12:30:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Some say,
a rose is temporary and will one day wilt and die
But the beauty it holds,
will forever be in the heart of my eye.
Forever will always be
Forever... temporary to me.
Some say,
the emptiness I have, will one day wilt and die
But the love I have,
will forever be in the heart of my sigh
Forever will always be
Forever... temporary to me.
Some say,
I will be fulfilled one day, before I wilt and die
But the one I have lost.
will forever be in the heart of my cry.
Forever will always be
Forever ... temporary to me.
Copyright ©
Recyclebin
... [
2008-11-09 00:30:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Forever Temporary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 9th November 2008 @ 12:38:50 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Not bad at all. May I suggest a different method of making the "forever" of your second-to-last line stand out, though? The drawn out elipses don't look particularly eloquent to me... perhaps "forever..." and then a line break?
- A |
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Re: Forever Temporary
(User Rating: 1 )
by navydocny on
Sunday, 9th November 2008 @ 07:03:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very songful in its refrain...
Great job...
I like the concept here...
Steve |
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Re: Forever Temporary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 9th November 2008 @ 08:03:44 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow bin,
This piece is very deep in its meaning.
Very touching..........Mike
I think the '.....' works the same as a line break |
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Re: Forever Temporary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Sunday, 9th November 2008 @ 06:12:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hey Bin, I really loved the way this was written and I loved the concept also... Beautifully done..
Jenni |
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Re: Forever Temporary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 10th November 2008 @ 03:02:04 AM AEST
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Wow! Can I say wow? I think I just did. Forever... temporary to me. What a concept....what an analogy! Very melodic!!! Great flow and just too damn cool.
*applauds*
Th-ank you! I enjoyed it. :D
Tim
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Re: Forever Temporary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Anu on
Monday, 10th November 2008 @ 03:19:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Clap Clap...!!!
Too gud write..!! |
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Re: Forever Temporary
(User Rating: 1 )
by outlawpoet on
Monday, 10th November 2008 @ 05:28:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well said liked this one i can also relate good work |
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