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showin emotion
Contributed by
lilmissy
on
Thursday, 6th November 2008 @ 11:49:32 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
after the smoke clears, it all fades away.
the laughter and chokes smear into another day
all the words that we say get lost in the haze
and the dirt in the way gets washed by the rain
nothin ever stays the same, this i know.
somethin will replace the pain, like a window
shattered and broken as if it's meant to be open
i'd rather just hope that i can swim in the ocean
than know i can float without goin the motion
how do you cope without showin emotion?
Copyright ©
lilmissy
... [
2008-11-06 11:49:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: showin emotion
(User Rating: 1 )
by lilmissy on
Thursday, 6th November 2008 @ 11:57:30 AM AEST
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| comments please,.. i wunna know what people think :) |
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Re: showin emotion
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadwriter on
Thursday, 6th November 2008 @ 02:50:14 PM AEST
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It is a meaningful piece, seems a bit choppy to read, but i think that is just the way the lines are layed out. It shows emotion without going overboard. Good work.
Deadwriter
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Re: showin emotion
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Thursday, 6th November 2008 @ 04:56:07 PM AEST
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It appears to be a teen's first attempt at writing a poem
judging by the awkward sentence structure and the
strained rhyming.
Put this one in the drawer and keep writing poems.
Come back to it in a year's time and see how far you've come.
And please, please don't be hurt because I panned your poem.
Remember, It's only my opinion. |
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