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Brooding
Contributed by
liquidsunshine
on
Sunday, 2nd November 2008 @ 09:46:51 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I saw with your eyes today.
I hate it when yours look that way.
I was not dark, but void of light,
Wore blinders that distorted sight.
No one looked the way they should.
No one noticed; no one could.
No one mattered much today.
Colors dulled; I favored gray.
I ran, recluse, toward my dreams.
I built walls with bridge's beams.
I made wishes without you
While I watched the clock cuckoo.
Nothing eased the pain or fear.
Nothing, likewise, drew up tears.
Nothing fit quite like a glove
For I'd looked away from love.
Copyright ©
liquidsunshine
... [
2008-11-02 09:46:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Brooding
(User Rating: 1 )
by outlawpoet on
Sunday, 2nd November 2008 @ 10:28:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| i see one rhyme that was forced, cuckoo but poetry is not mean to be flawless but raw and pure so keep up the good work |
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Re: Brooding
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Sunday, 2nd November 2008 @ 10:45:14 AM AEST
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It's not forced. It's actually what happened. It would've been forced had I used a "better" rhyme like "while I watched the coffee brew" which I thought of doing, but it would've ruined the reality of it.
Just sayin. |
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