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Through the glass window
Contributed by
audaudaud
on
Sunday, 26th October 2008 @ 12:29:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Through the wide glass window,
You wave to me happily,
Back from a trip to China,
With a trolley of goodies for me.
Through the tinted glass window,
You wave goodbye to me,
Only when the car drives out of sight,
Would you turn your back and leave.
But through this small glass window,
You look a little different, expressionless.
I'm not sure if you are really still there,
I'm not sure, where you will be going.
Through this last glass window,
I hope you can hear me without me speaking,
How much I already miss you,
How much I really love you,
How much I hope it's a better place for you up there.
Copyright ©
audaudaud
... [
2008-10-26 12:29:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Through the glass window
(User Rating: 1 )
by heartfelt on
Sunday, 26th October 2008 @ 02:02:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| beautiful piece. i like the thought of a better place! |
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Re: Through the glass window
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Sunday, 26th October 2008 @ 11:00:35 PM AEST
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You captured a write so touching. You made the reader feel your heart, touching write.
Hugs
Michelle |
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Re: Through the glass window
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Monday, 27th October 2008 @ 03:28:53 AM AEST
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I lost a grandfather a few years ago. It's not easy.
As for the poem, I like the central image of windows. I think you could play up details much more, especially towards the beginning. Also, the sentiments at the end are a bit standard (how could they not be?). You could try ending on a more unique note.
Write on,
Solomon |
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