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Twilight
Contributed by
Ready2FLY
on
Sunday, 12th October 2008 @ 09:32:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Twilight
Longing for the unknown in the depth of night
One tries to see clearly the stars in the sky
Mass confusion and frustration impossibly combined
No escape, no air, no relief
It’s everywhere taunting and teasing
With no intention of truth
Can’t see it with wishful eyes
Fathomable only in dreams
Yet dreams can only portray a poor trace
Not enough to merely get one through
Down on bent knees
Pleading to an invincible hope
Find me and let me be free
Saturate my heart with love unending
For if not fulfilled by dawns daunting appearance
My empty heart may burst at the tear-filled seams
Beaten and broken from a torturous journey
Twilight will have won its unholy game
Copyright ©
Ready2FLY
... [
2008-10-12 21:32:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Monday, 13th October 2008 @ 12:16:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is quite a poem. You manage to portray an important theme in a very captivating way. I love the line "no escape. no air. no relief." Mixing air in with the other, less tangible necessities creates an atmosphere (no pun intended) in which the importance of escape and relief are truly captured. To capture this so casually as you progress through the poem is wonderful.
The latter half of the poem does get a bit blunt at times. Lines like "saturate my heart with love unending", while they may be pretty, don't really justify the lack of subtlety.
Overall, this is a very good poem. It stands out because of its careful manipulation of words to expand such a classic feeling. The mid-end portion could have been less blunt (though I did like the very end).
Do well, do good, write on,
Solomon
high_on_duct_tape |
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 13th October 2008 @ 02:23:40 AM AEST
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Good writing.
welcome to our global family here at ypdc.
huggs, blessings,
emy |
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by redsleeve on
Monday, 13th October 2008 @ 06:09:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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great post
very emotive
looking forward to more of your work!
d |
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by outlawpoet on
Friday, 17th October 2008 @ 03:58:43 PM AEST
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| one of the better poems i have read recently i like it please read and comment to my two poems and i would be in your debt if you could give me some advice on improving |
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