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Feel Like A Simile Sometimes
Contributed by
lnnie
on
Saturday, 4th October 2008 @ 01:28:23 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I feel like a train sometimes
that can't get no locomotin'
My wheels lumber
and my ideals get stuck
in sideways roller motions.
I feel like the moon sometimes
beautiful but dead.
Feel like thinking sometimes
but get tangled up in emotions.
Feel like a bird sometimes
remembering how to soar.
Feel like sleeping sometimes
and not getting up,
being in bed for a while.
Feel like Christmas when
someone gives me a smile.
Feel like feeling more
on certain days and times.
Feel like talking deep
and thinking light
laughing loud
and quiet.
Feel like feeling like
my best days
sometimes.
Feel like is feeling like
if a good poem rhymes
sometimes.
Feel like is feeling like
if the rhythm beats in time,
if my heart skips to music quips
and rejoins at the metered line.
Feel like
is feeling like
feeling is ok;
but feeling good or bad
without that like
is better;
well..
like superior.
Like ok?
Copyright ©
lnnie
... [
2008-10-04 01:28:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Feel Like A Simile Sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 4th October 2008 @ 02:43:38 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Unique rhythm and style.
I like it! |
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Re: Feel Like A Simile Sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 4th October 2008 @ 03:23:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I just about turned away because of the opening double negative but then I noticed the feel was plainly spoken. And yes I agree with jecks there is a unique feel and flow to this. So I continued to read and found this to be wonderful. A very good job using simile as a simile and making the similes express your emotion. I loved the flow!
BRAVO!
SCM |
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Re: Feel Like A Simile Sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ambivalence on
Saturday, 4th October 2008 @ 04:39:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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sorta found this lil confusing, but i guess thats what emotions do to u. pretty slick if u intended this haha, but either way nice similes incorporated.
take care
-K.Z. |
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Re: Feel Like A Simile Sometimes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Saturday, 4th October 2008 @ 09:36:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Something unique about this that makes you smile at the end of it.
I like the quirkiness of the write
Good work
Steve |
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