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Forsaken
Contributed by
redsleeve
on
Wednesday, 10th September 2008 @ 06:46:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
releasing her glow
my northern star
i follow her home
no matter how far
she opens her wings
revealing the scars
words of bygone days
where she left her heart
i long to be her own
my angel of the night
we sit and talk alone
under drunken moonlight
painful morning dew
brings forgotten conversation
until the next blue moon
i am once again forsaken.
Copyright ©
redsleeve
... [
2008-09-10 06:46:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Forsaken
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Wednesday, 10th September 2008 @ 09:35:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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beautiful writing,
wiz |
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Re: Forsaken
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 10th September 2008 @ 03:51:22 PM AEST
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I can't believe I am saying this but wizard actually in two words summed this up with the perfect comment. Seriously, that is exactly what this was beautiful writing. In fact the beauty of this piece is exactly what stands out. It's soft and elegant and it's magical. In spite of becoming forsaken again you capture the moment that makes being forsaken sometimes for the pain.
The last two stanzas work perfectly. Those two stanzas alone are perfect examples of good writing. You change without a harsh jump or a stumble from one emotion to the next with picture perfect and crystal clear imagery.
I especially love the term "drunken moonlight" that is enormously poetic. The moon when dosed with love, lust, passion, or bliss in the air completely changes the sky and we fall vicitim of two amazing intoxications. Yet what I just said you said in two words. That is a gifted expression if I ever read one.
This is deeply poetic and to me so far your best. Again, you are making a real fan out of me. I am so proud to see your work grow. You are a talent to continue to watch as you rise to the clouds!
SUPERB!
SCM |
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Re: Forsaken
(User Rating: 1 )
by BornReckless on
Thursday, 11th September 2008 @ 04:35:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Short and sweet. This poem was very airy, I liked it.
peace
jj |
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