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take away the sun
Contributed by
ladyfawn
on
Monday, 8th September 2008 @ 11:17:10 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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--------------------------------------------------
oh! go away sun! for it lies in its brilliance!
makes me want to take chances at first glance
tempting me to believe in something again
when every day it is hard enough to sustain
giving false encouragement; as heart warms
but so the sun lies and selfishly misinforms
since long ago forever residing among us
inspiring poetry, giving a sweet caress
just come on over it says offering friendship
who then knows it is smart as a whip?
take away the sun; let me live in darkness
for midnight moon gives a sweet honesty
it flows around me like a chestnut tree
it is a blanket; a calming sweet pea sea
in darkness i am calm, coming alive, lucid
at night feelings run amuck; never hid
achromatic blackness ebony's silky stitch
oh! happier i am in the enfolding pitch!
nightbirds sing as morning breaks dove song
at me the sun heartily laughs hard and long...
§* *§
*|*
Copyright ©
ladyfawn
... [
2008-09-08 11:17:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 8th September 2008 @ 11:31:26 AM AEST
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Oh Nessa .. I just want to take off my shoes and dance in these words.
They capture my very soul this night. Oh GOD! how I adore your
description of the moon. It is a sheath of protection from an unkind
world in all its lucid perfection! And you captured that so brilliantly!
The last two lines sincerely churned my emotions, tossing them about
like a ship lost at sea. Damn fine work here, hun! Truly exceptional!!
~ Breezy
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 8th September 2008 @ 11:47:06 AM AEST
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Our hearts are all a flutter with this work of art. You have captivated the brilliance of our love for the night. You have posted imaginings that we scream in our daily plight, hoping for the night to inspire us. The night is our muse and the darkness is our word smith. We would say wow but that is not our way. We don't like the word wow. We don't like the word awesome. We don't like a lot of surfer dude lingo like way cool or tubular. So we will simply say excellent! Yes, yes this is excellent without the oops. It is perfectly dark and yet makes us smile. We don't like smiling but it feels good. Your description of moon was breath taking. Your wondering of the night and wandering of the night was captivating.
May a rabid wolf park outside your window tonight and devour an innocent lover of the daytime with veins and guts hanging from the mouth of terror. |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Monday, 8th September 2008 @ 12:03:59 PM AEST
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excellent write,
well done!!
wiz |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 8th September 2008 @ 12:31:31 PM AEST
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I really love the feelings this poem instills. Very impressive and beautiful.
Thank you for such an enjoyable write.
Tim
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 12:51:30 AM AEST
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Nessa,
this is so pretty, I am so happy that you have graced us with your words once more....
hugs
Michelle |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 05:54:31 AM AEST
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Its like that feeling you get Christmas morning, hours before the dawn, when all is quiet, dank...and alive!
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 06:03:14 AM AEST
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Oh Ness, this is truly beautiful!!! Your words never fail to stir up emotions in the reader...
So good to see you posting again...
Hugs and woofies...
Jenni |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 10:56:47 AM AEST
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Wow, this is fantastic! You write very
elegantly, your word choices are terrific.
There are so many little gems in this that
cause the entire piece to shine brilliantly.
Awesome post, I can't wait to read more.
~Jesse |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 01:54:44 PM AEST
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Sweet Lady Nessa,
Wow, what a beautiful descriptive
gorgeous masterpiece you have
wonderfully penned for us to
enjoy dearest Nessa~
It's brilliant, one I will definitely
find my way to again and again.
Keep up the great work~
love & hugs,
sue m |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 05:17:28 PM AEST
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A beautiful work my friend, touches the heart
in a sad way, an emotional testament to life
it self.
((((Nessa))))
Ben . . . |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by karoody on
Wednesday, 10th September 2008 @ 02:18:54 PM AEST
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| Wow! this touched something deep in my soul...Thank you so much for this beautiful piece from you. It is very magical and mysterious. Love you. So glad to be home! (((Nessa))) |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Angelic_Demon on
Friday, 12th September 2008 @ 08:18:26 PM AEST
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Whoa, I love this mom. I'm glad to know that you're writing again! I especially loved the line 'it is a blanket; a calming sweet pea sea.' Hehe, you're truly the better writer than I am :P
Now, to just get you published!!!
Keep writing. If you don't I'll nag you over the phone. |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by eternalsunshine on
Monday, 9th February 2009 @ 07:55:16 PM AEST
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a lovely poem my dear
enjoyed it much
in darkness comes light... |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnknownLegend on
Tuesday, 4th May 2010 @ 09:55:11 PM AEST
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I've been reading several of your poems and you truly have a gift to be able to turn a phrase. I sincerely admire that quality in a person albeit a writer of poems or song. This poem I spent more time on than the others I've read. To me darkness was a way of hiding sins, crimes or things not yet in sight but, your twist on the comforts of the night and the peace and solitude it brings somewhat gave me another perspective on the way others think.
I guess the sun can misinform by it's placement in the heavens.... Shadows can make you taller, shorter, thinner... doesn't discriminate against race, gender or religion and gives no intentions of who you are or what one is made of, metaphysically speaking. I love reading things that make me think or even change the direction of my preconceived notions. You've done that here......thank you, david |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 15th April 2014 @ 06:20:06 AM AEST
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| This is really nice! I also love how this reverses the conventional symbolic meaning of the sun and night. It's awesome how the poem explored the comfort and the sense of honesty darkness has to offer in contrast to the brilliance of the sun. |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by colinb on
Saturday, 5th July 2014 @ 03:12:11 AM AEST
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| beautifully written as always |
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Re: take away the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Friday, 10th October 2014 @ 08:00:39 AM AEST
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I really get this...Sometimes the mood is too dark for such welcoming light. Interesting how our bodies respond to the sun and the moon in different ways. I think their end mission is the same- to remind us there is always light at the end of all darkness. We must try our best to steer ourselves towards it.
Beautifully penned, Nessa. The ending aches...Well done.
~Scorp |
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