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Return To Graves Built By The Nuns Of Forgotten Religions
Contributed by
Karlee14
on
Friday, 5th September 2008 @ 06:53:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
Alone eyes stitched shut
Broken white teeth smile
In the night
I'd reach out to you
Call your name
The silence returned to me
Hollow echos of words never found
Cold grip on shoulders
Of forgotten children's screams
Scratching at the lies
Of wounds never healed
Follow to which was never bound
The simplest of emotions
Slicing at the black deep chaos
A pathetic mind pondering
The situations never profound
Oh the love
How I feel it now
Ripping the sanity
Of hatred formed to cover
Four simple words
Uttered through clenched teeth
"You are so broken"
Copyright ©
Karlee14
... [
2008-09-05 18:53:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Return To Graves Built By The Nuns Of Forgotten Religions
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 6th September 2008 @ 04:39:14 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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First of all I am perplexed. Why would you name a poem something that has nothing at all to do with the poem's content. I will never understand this trend. It's like selling a candy bar and then surprise it's a hamburger! My advice, stop doing this. It's weird. It's not original or an artistic expression. It's plainly, simply, and clearly stupid! Why not stick a fork in the microwave? Now that's a statement!
Anyway, the poem is magnificent which is sad because nobody who is religious or spiritual is going to read this (other than me because I am on a mission to read all the poems on the home page)
Your word choices are outstanding and the ending is magnificent! It is provocative, horrifying, dark, and deeply moving once it works to it's black conclusion. All the way it had me and I had to give it another read to experience it's effect again.
The only problem (other than the pointless title) is the spacing. It hurts the flow a bit and all in all it's also pointless. No need in spacing when the line breaks by itself.
Otherwise,
Fantastic!
SCM |
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Re: Return To Graves Built By The Nuns Of Forgotten Religions
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alisteal_Rayne on
Thursday, 18th September 2008 @ 05:03:48 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I love it. It's beautiful and thought provoking but i do not like the title or the spacing at all. |
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