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The one makes you better the other never leaves
Contributed by
polaris773
on
Sunday, 31st August 2008 @ 04:23:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
goodbyepoetry
|
Ive found that no matter how bad I ***** up
I can always do more damage to myself
I must be the life of am mistake because that’s all I make
I’m a professional disaster
Then I meet you two
One helps me forget about everything
While encouraging me to continue
Continue with ***** up
You make it hard to stand when you give too much of your love
The other holds my hand
While we both take a step back
Show me how to better myself
I will for you
The one will always be there for me
And I thank you and loath you
The other slowly releases my hand
I try to reach for her but I know
She the one thing in my life I wont ***** up
Because I lover her more than my self
I know my other lover is waiting home
Just where I left her
Next to her friends
Alcohol I thank you
Hate you
You’re always here
You always make things worse
We were meant for each other
You’re my life partner
There can’t be anyone else
Copyright ©
polaris773
... [
2008-08-31 04:23:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The one makes you better the other never leaves
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Sunday, 31st August 2008 @ 06:20:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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There's definitely something to this poem, though it could use a bit of polishing. The flow could be more natural. Also, I don't really see the need to mention alcohol by name. It seemed fairly apparent to me at least.
Do well, do good, write on,
Solomon |
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Re: The one makes you better the other never leaves
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st September 2008 @ 11:26:29 AM AEST
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This was a very emotional write. That you have got. However, emotion doesn't always work. Especially when you are drunk. This seemed to me to be more like a plea for help, not a poem. While some will argue that poetry can be anything (let me assure you those are the people who can't write poetry).
I can see talent in this work. Ability and comprehension, but the drunk hand makes it just absurd. While you may take this comment as cruel I believe some people need to know when they step across the line. You should not have posted a write about your alcholism publicly. If you wanted to write about your alcoholism maybe you should write it sober in regret, not in the moment. This is just plain silly.
I am not sure what you were looking for but I suggest you stop. It is not here. Not with this write, not with this intention.
Consider this post another one of your **** ups.
Go to alcohol anonymous' website not a poetry site with this brand of ridiculous temperment.
SCM |
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