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Wind Words
Contributed by
spike
on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 12:38:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
I heard a whisper, just a whisper
like the soft wind off the shore;
then a hum and a keening
like nothing else before.
A sound became a word,
a word that turned to phrase
then a litany of statements, that
spoke of golden days.
A single voice above it all
galvanised the sound,
and my heart was all but lifted
as I stood on trembling ground.
Then a shout of many voices,
that turned into a roar
and a song, a song of ages
but like nothing heard before.
Then a single thunder clap
threw lightening from the sky,
and the symphony of discourse
disappeared on one last sigh.
So the clarion voice was silenced,
then the roar all but died
and the cacophony of utterance
settled like the morning tide.
And as I tumbled to my knees,
hot tears fell like rain
for what I heard was magical,
now gone without refrain.
On a sand walk, some years later
my heart still bruised and sore,
I heard a whisper, just a whisper
like the soft wind off the shore…
Copyright ©
spike
... [
2008-08-30 12:38:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 01:36:39 PM AEST
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Wow Spike,..this is amazing.. Beautiful write, my friend... I am left with such a surreal feeling.... Thank you for sharing this..
Jenni |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 06:45:49 PM AEST
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There is a beauty to rhyme and rhythm that comes only under certain circumstances. When the words each have meaning, when the flow is so natural that it can progress with ease, when the rhyme is used to do nothing but emphasize the beauty of language (and not the other way around), then a formatted poem finds grace and purpose.
In this you have succeeded. The poem makes wonderful use of an ensemble of literary devices. The format, the plot, the style, and the flavor all give and take attention as the story is told.
It is not, of course, the most grand or spectacular poem, nor does it seem to want that. It is a feeling, an ebb of life. Very good, well-grounded poem.
Always feel free to ask for my opinion on anything. Do well, do good, write on.
-Solomon |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by ZiggyB on
Sunday, 31st August 2008 @ 02:57:24 AM AEST
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Spike,
This was really amazing. It reminds me of my style of writing.
I really enjoyed this. Excellent thought and story line
~Stephan |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 31st August 2008 @ 03:51:18 AM AEST
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Beautifully done Spike. It sounds like more
than a remembrance, it feels as though
you've had a loss, but to this day you're still
able to hope. Well written, as always.
~Jesse |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st September 2008 @ 12:41:59 AM AEST
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Oh my oh MY! Dear poet, you have stumbled upon something here! Do you see it? WOW! The premonition
of remembrance. Oh DAMN! I don't believe this would have been quite as potent had you left the last stanza
out. (Of course that is OBVIOUS! But then, that is my middle name!) . Still, there is a feeling.... an emotion
that carries one's breath away. And it snuck in unnoticed until that last verse. And then I was drenched with SO
many things. Hope, curiosity, happiness, intrigue, E X C I T M E N T !!!
You do have an uncanny ability to stir the deepest most ordinary emotions and make them something grand!
Bravo poet! The piece was such a treat to read aloud. And the imagery really took me away from my little room.
Exquisite!
~ Breezy
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by DukeW on
Monday, 1st September 2008 @ 09:43:06 AM AEST
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Haven't been around on this site for long, but i am positive, this is one of the best works i read here.
Its absolutely wonderful how expressive the poem is in an extremely light, subtle way. You can hear the whisper, the song of ages. Excellent work
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st September 2008 @ 11:37:23 AM AEST
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Alas!
Dear Spike THIS IS POETRY SIR! Wow, your word choices and your astouding poetic flow are nothing short of brilliant sir! Brilliant sir!
I shuffled through like 50 poems over the last two days and found nobody new worth commenting on. But I know I can rely on you, and a handful of others. This was magnificent! I will be frequenting your page more often as I am becoming exceedingly disgusted with the lack of poetry on this poetry site! Brilliant and hats off!
I must add the final stanza just brilliantly completes a write that made me utterly speechless.
SUPERB and MASTERFUL FLOW!
SCM |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 1st September 2008 @ 03:49:21 PM AEST
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Breath taking write I am so glad Im on for a few tonight to catch up. Lovely poem my friend...... makes me say awwwwww
hug n kiss
Michelle |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Wednesday, 3rd September 2008 @ 09:20:13 PM AEST
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amazingly well done spike...
great post!!
wiz |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 4th September 2008 @ 01:23:44 AM AEST
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truely beautiful writing, this poem breathes
hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Thursday, 4th September 2008 @ 11:27:21 AM AEST
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Spike~
Wow, my dear poet you are
a most talented Sir who pens
the most remarkable pieces
of poetry I have ever had the
privilege of reading. This is
flawless Master Spike~
These lines resound over
and over in my mind:
On a sand walk, some years later
my heart still bruised and sore,
I heard a whisper, just a whisper
like the soft wind off the shore…
Damn! This is top notch writing
my dear poet. Keep them coming
for I will keep on reading :-)
huge huggers from your fan in Melb,
sue m
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Friday, 23rd January 2009 @ 03:28:05 PM AEST
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| I've enjoyed this several times & each time a new revelation presents itself. the crescendo of your gift, perhaps. peace. elle |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by ginabelle on
Monday, 23rd February 2009 @ 04:41:03 PM AEST
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absolutely loved your usage..
it was like i could actually hear the whisper while reading...
Great Job! |
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Re: Wind Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 26th February 2009 @ 01:37:20 AM AEST
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Holy ****, Spike!!! How in the hell did I miss this. Basically, all I got dude is incredibly amazing!!!!
Tim |
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