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Words
Contributed by
DukeW
on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 05:01:47 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Nothing, but a sentence on a paper,
I am paragraph in a long lost letter.
A whisper, a poem, a story,
Of who she used to be.
The poet looked up from his sheet of paper,
And gazed in to the eyes of his lover.
His eyes spoke of sadness,
His lips spoke of madness.
He knew…. She knew
That his destiny he must pursue.
And the poet dropped his pen.
Never to write again.
She gazed in to his eyes.
Calmly accepting her demise.
She fell in to his arms,
Falling in to his deadly charms.
So she took her last breath,
As she silently met her death.
Then I was created, to remember her,
To make sure, she will always be more than a blur.
So she took her last breath,
And I tell the story, of her, and the poet called Death.
Copyright ©
DukeW
... [
2008-08-30 05:01:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 10:19:15 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Nicely done.. I love the concept here..
Jenni |
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Re: Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Saturday, 30th August 2008 @ 06:56:52 PM AEST
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a Message)
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The concept is interesting. The delivery, however, is a bit standard. The rhyme scheme seems rather unnescessary and awkward.
If you play with it for a while it could come out well. Feel free to drop the rhyming, or at least give it more meaning. Also, for the record, "into" is one word.
If you want me to expand on this, feel free to ask.
-Solomon |
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Re: Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by navydocny on
Sunday, 31st August 2008 @ 12:22:05 AM AEST
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I like it. What it says to me is about the loss of the creation of love. (make sense?)
She is what is ideal and is taken away...
Just my take on it..
Great write though.... |
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