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Let Me Die
Contributed by
KismetsPoet
on
Tuesday, 22nd July 2008 @ 10:29:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
Take over my shadow
Broke my body and mind
Stole my choices
My voice is...
Can't sing
I can't die
A half-life
A cursed life
Heart cold
Missing soul
Stole my innocence
Now won't say good-bye
Let me die
You're killing me
Chilling me
Willing me alive
Let me die
Let me die!
And I swear I won't cry
Let me die
Sing our song
Our old song
When you will me alive
Use my voice
And I'll cry
'Cuz you won't let me die
Let me fly
Floating by
Until you drag me down
Where the flames spin around
In a hole in the ground
Where I'll live
Where I'll cry
Where you won't let me die
Stole my death, not my life
Stole my gun, stole my knife
Stole the things that were mine
You're a theif!
Stole my time
Stole my feelings
Stole my hate
It's too late
Torn apart
By your mind
Stole my time
Drink my youth
Drink my soul
Drink my blood
Filled with cold
Drink my breath
Break my heart
Build me up
From the start
Make perfection in your eyes
Rebuild me
Let me die
Let me die
Let me feel
Let me cry
Just pretend I'm alive
Just pretend that you're mine
Or you could be kind
Leave my shadow
Leave my mind
Leave my heart
Give me death
A new start
Give the time
Give the hate
That you stole
When you coveted my fate
It is not yet too late
Please, my love, please, my mate
Let me free
Let me fly
Let me see
Say good-bye
Bye to us
Bye to love
Bye to hate
Bye because
Let me go
Let me sing
Let my inner bells ring
My heart soar
Mind unbound
You, nowhere to be found
Au revoir
J'adore toi
Let me die
Copyright ©
KismetsPoet
... [
2008-07-22 10:29:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Let Me Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 23rd July 2008 @ 11:10:04 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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wow this is intense, though I do not like all the talk on dying........
the poem is emotional and full of great expression.
Just dont give in to the dying part of it!
Michelle |
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Re: Let Me Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by wheels on
Saturday, 26th July 2008 @ 09:54:16 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Hello,
I find that only a handful of people appreciate this style of poetry. I have nick-named it linear or line poetry, and I actually have an appreciation of it. I personally have written a few, but have yet to post one. I really like this one and can see why it is one of your favorites, but I hope you would appreciate a little creative criticism (you can tell me screw-- if you want -LOL) . The thing i find important with this style of write is in the flow as read from line to line. With such short lines, each line impacts the next much more significantly when read by another person in particular. I can see how you have written as you felt, but some of the repeated lines break this rhythm of line to line balance. I really think you could improve this flow with minimal adjustments. If you want an example - the last 3 stanzas of this poem flow much better than the prior. All in all this is a very good write and I really like it, but I think if you went through and read it with fresh eyes and felt the meter you could improve its rhythm and its quality. Please don’t take offense - I could be full of bs - but it is such a good poem that has even better potential if you could see what I mean. (again feel free to say screw---)
Kevin
the lonely vagabond
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