|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Shallow
Contributed by
rjohn90
on
Friday, 27th June 2008 @ 02:19:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
My friends all say I'm shallow
I was told I'd have a shallow grave
Never told the girl I loved that
I loved her
And she slowly slipped away
Now her heart belongs to another
Brave hearts beating as lovers dance
Lost love, unprovoked I'd fight for
One last chance
He walked that lonesome road
Looked death in the face
And then he decided
There was a story to be told
Of a boy who said he'd
Only witnessed true love from a glance
Didn't want to believe
His grave future only ends in tragic romance.
Love to be loved
If I could only love myself
All I see is your picture
Haunting my shelf.
Shattered that damn memory
Long ago
Damned because I didn't
Damned if I won't
My friends say that I'm shallow
All I looked for was your love
Cobwebs hang as the time rolls on
And love is forgone
Manic mayhem of old flames collide
Don't you wish you could fly
Away from all this darkness
And have the light glisten from her eye
Well, no not me
I won't give up without a fight.
And that shallow grave won't seem so
As the rain washes up upon my body.
Please wash away the sadness
Drowning frail voices
Become apparent as a man is scorched alive
Infernos burn inside from those choices
Charred heart from the fire
And yet its scattered across the floor
Glass hope has shattered
And my way out was that girl from before
My friends all say I'm shallow
If I wasn't, I couldn't find you.
Your buried somewhere
Lost in the depths of my empty heart.
Copyright ©
rjohn90
... [
2008-06-27 14:19:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Shallow
(User Rating: 1 )
by wheels on
Friday, 27th June 2008 @ 03:20:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Overall I loved the poem. It is very good with excellent imagery and meter. THe flow was excellent with only 2 excpetions if you do not mind. The 4th to last stanza doesn't quite match the tempo in its last line. The last stanza while good doesn't quite match the flow. Turst me I always have trouble with the last stanza myself. BUT I REALLY LIKE IT. The single lines really seem to fit well, tho others may argue otherwise. So dont get me wrong it is an wxcellent well wrtitten poem with just a couple of sticky spots. Overall don't change much if you decide to. I am just being honest as I see it, but please do not change much because it really is very nice. |
|
|
Re: Shallow
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 30th June 2008 @ 06:31:12 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Friend, you could have fooled me about you not normally writing.
As I said you are very creative.
I've been writing lyrics since 1979, and my advise as a seasoned writer would be to be true to yourself.
I consider my writing as a talent on loan from god.
Write, free, always write free.
keep up the good work.
Huggs, smiles, blessings,
emy |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
