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love makes the world go round
Contributed by
kelly_may
on
Wednesday, 25th June 2008 @ 02:03:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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Without love where would we be hanging uslessly from some tree.
Love is what we all need it overtakes the sins of cruelty and greed.
Without love no sun would shine above the stars would die and never come back the sky would be forever inky black.
With love we thrive and grow as long as love is here the stars shall glow.
Love is as strong as anything can go stronger by far than any hunters bow.
It keeps us going through life even in times of stress and strife.
Love is what makes the world go round you have not lived until love you have found.
Please rate i would love to hear your thoughts on my poem.
Copyright ©
kelly_may
... [
2008-06-25 02:03:48] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: love makes the world go round
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Friday, 27th June 2008 @ 11:59:35 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Remeber you asked for opinions.... I like the message of this piece. It is strong and true.
I find some of the rhymes forced, slow down and try a bit more originality, such as
Without love where would we be a world denied its harmony
or
Love is as strong as anything can go strength derived from cupids bow
Also I would like to see a more original title.
I wouldn't make these comments if I didn't see potential in your work.
Keep writing!! |
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