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Take your Pick
Contributed by
Bubbles02
on
Thursday, 15th May 2008 @ 08:56:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
There is always such an awkward silence in the air when someone mentions the word “puking”.
I never wanted to tell you in the first place, but I did anyways.
And now, every time someone says that word, you look at me and glare.
But why you think it’s so easy for me to quit, I’ll never know.
To quit what I do…it’s so hard.
I’ve tried…either I don’t eat, or I eat and never keep it down.
Take your pick; it’s always going to be one or the other.
Today you looked at me when she said “puking”.
You told her not to say that word and she gave you a funny look while you glare down at me.
You were supposed to keep this a secret, not letting anyone know or see.
I can see you want me to stop, to just be… “myself” again.
But I’ve been doing what I do for so long now,
That I can’t find that girl I used to be.
No matter what time of day, no matter what I’m doing,
The number of calories I’ve just consumed is on my mind.
If I eat, it comes back up.
But if I don’t eat, then it’s all good.
However, to not eat after binging for so many months is hard.
All I want to do is eat and eat and eat…soak away all my problems.
But once I’ve eaten, I feel so ashamed, so huge and big and ugly and gross.
It’s a horrible feeling, one that I can’t stand.
So it’s off to the toilet.
I’m sure you wish we’d never met.
Dealing with me is too much work and not worth what you get back.
But since part of this is your fault, you feel you have to help.
I fell in love with you,
Whether I want to believe it’s true,
Or not.
Sure, we fought a lot.
But we made it and got over it.
When that new girl came, I no longer mattered.
She was pretty, skinny, and kind of a slut:
Everything you ever wanted.
I thought that just maybe, if I was skinny like her,
You’d like me better.
But no.
My appearance matter none to you.
And so now I’m stuck with this eating disorder,
Wondering if it’ll kill me,
Or how I can make it end.
Copyright ©
Bubbles02
... [
2008-05-15 08:56:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Take your Pick
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 15th May 2008 @ 10:39:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
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now,
That I can’t find that girl I used to be.
No matter what time of day, no matter what I’m doing,
This is heart wrenching.
You don't wonna be the person you was 'cause you saw something in her was broke.
Start fresh right where u are now and grow.
I know life is sad but with God's help all things are possible.
I will pray for you to find the courage to heall. From the inside out.
You're a great writer. You have the God given talent to write. There's healling thru writing.
Living is hard but death is easy/please choose life
.
Big huggs, prayer,faith, hope, joy, peace,
emy |
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Re: Take your Pick
(User Rating: 1 )
by elle on
Thursday, 15th May 2008 @ 11:03:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| we stand at the door & knock. surely someone beloved will hear. we hear & feel the pain that you convey. . . we are blessed forever if we just embrace our frailties. we stand at the door & knock. . .at long last when it opens we find we are inside looking out. freedom is you embracing yourself. . . for all the beautiful things you are & that you possess inside. . . feel free to heal & bask in the glory that God has placed within you. it is a priviledge & a blessing to share ourselves. . . you have reached that part of the journey. rejoice. . . peace. elle |
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Re: Take your Pick
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Thursday, 15th May 2008 @ 03:18:52 PM AEST
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This breaks my heart to read. There is help out there for you. I bet if I saw you I would not see someone ugly and fat. I would see a beautiful young lady with a wounded heart and reach out and hug her.
If this guy like to look in disgust tell him to go to hell.
Search and you shall find knock and it will be opened to you........ There is help........ Do not let the demons of this disorder consume you fight it and be the true beauty your intended to be healthy and strong.
Hugs
Michelle |
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