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Please
Contributed by
Bubbles02
on
Thursday, 24th April 2008 @ 12:28:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Kill me.
Please.
Just do something.
End the pain.
End the misery and the overwhelming dread.
Save me from myself.
I’m a disease.
Kill me before I spread.
End me.
Save me.
Kill me.
Please.
Copyright ©
Bubbles02
... [
2008-04-24 12:28:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Please
(User Rating: 1 )
by juliestevens18 on
Thursday, 24th April 2008 @ 01:24:42 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| it's good, but do you need any help? i would be happy to talk to you if you need somebody to talk to. I have gone through the same thing, so it would be no problem. Message me and let me know. hope things turn out okay and please if you need help come and talk. |
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Re: Please
(User Rating: 1 )
by jantra on
Thursday, 24th April 2008 @ 05:56:02 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| I feel bad being too hard on this piece but you did ask for feedback so.......first of all why on earth would you post something to a public forum that you think sucks? poetry is an art form and any artist should have some pride in their work. second of all i would really love to see a poem written about depression and or suicide that is completely fresh and free of trite adolescent cliches like what you have here. its amazing that something like depression that we have all suffered from at one point or another keeps inspiring the same old tired abstract cliches "save me from myself" "I'm a disease...kill me before I spread". I've heard these lines used countless times before. there is nothing new here. now i'm sure if this was written from life you are going through a lot of really difficult and heavy emotions right now, thats why you need to reach deeper, go beyond this, give the reader all those emotions, make them feel it with you. avoid leaning on words or phrases that have been used to death. dont be afraid to go outside the box....hope this helps! jantra |
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Re: Please
(User Rating: 1 )
by poetrygirl1991 on
Friday, 25th April 2008 @ 05:53:13 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| harsh, and directly understandable.good write, but if you need anything let me know, i've been down that route before, it takes alot go get through. keep up on writing |
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