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oh love how i hate the word
Contributed by
forgotten_poet
on
Friday, 18th April 2008 @ 03:13:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I mustn’t gaze into thine eyes
Where reassurance and comfort lies
Oh with what curse hath cupid struck me
Oh what heavy chains bound my heart
Rid me of my petty emotion
far fairer it would be.
Not to feel a thing
Tis there security lies
But doth not sleep in thine eyes
Oh how my heart be not mine
But that of my true love divine
oh to carve love from my chest
unbound a fallen heart
place it in its grave to rest
and not in thy loving arms
Copyright ©
forgotten_poet
... [
2008-04-18 15:13:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: oh love how i hate the word
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Friday, 18th April 2008 @ 04:38:32 PM AEST
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Very deep, thought provoking write.
Huggs,
emy |
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Re: oh love how i hate the word
(User Rating: 1 )
by jantra on
Friday, 18th April 2008 @ 06:42:33 PM AEST
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ok i will start with what i liked about this poem. there are some elegantly written metaphors and the flow it pretty good. but i have to admit that it was a little painful to read with the archaeic wording. the "tis" and the "doth" are offputting to readers and simply to not belong in this poem. listen to how it sounds without them and the extra filler words and you will see
I must not gaze into your eyes
Where reassurance and comfort lie
Oh the curse of cupid has struck me!
Oh what heavy chains bound my heart!
Rid me of my petty emotion!
it would be far fairer not to feel a thing.
That is where security lies
There is only peace when I look in your eyes.
Oh my heart is not mine!
But that of a love divine.
oh to carve love from my chest
unbound my heart,
and place it in its grave to rest.
Not in your loving arms
this is the same poem without the archaeic wording and it is beautiful, you dont have to use all that so called poetic language in order to have a great poem. i hope these suggestions help. Jantra |
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Re: oh love how i hate the word
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheGrimReporsHourglass on
Saturday, 19th April 2008 @ 02:28:09 AM AEST
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| A very dark poem:oh love how i hate the word:I Gazed I Gazed And Stared Lonley Wasnt There-Oh No Not Me-Love Hurts Love Scares-Ball And Chain-Sweet Emotion-Faries Wear Boots-Comfortably Numb-No Rest For The Wicked-HeartShaped Box-As Lovers Do-As In The Begining Of NIN Video I Want To F@#$! You Like An Animal-Barried Married-????????????-Comment from The Grim Reapers,DevilsPriest,D.E.L.Jr. |
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