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I Am Ragged In Twain
Contributed by
MuhammadShanazar
on
Friday, 18th April 2008 @ 02:51:56 AM in AEST
Topic:
ChristianPoetry
|
I am the discarded being,
Discarded from the doors of heaven,
Thrown into the abyss, upon the Earth.
Oh! Creatures of the strange world,
Now gaze me not at my nakedness
With dreadful suspicions,
I am the innocent being, who became the victim of jealousy,
I am the being, who was poisoned,
Now poison runs through my veins,
In the form of jealousy, hatred and pride.
The forbidden tree was planted
In the lush green garden of Eden
Before the clay of my existence was kneaded.
The evil eyes gawked at me
Before I was sent into the luxuriant zones,
To dwell in and relish sweetness of the regions;
I had been victimized before I was taught the tricks
To ward off the tempts.
I am encaged in the world,
But thought of heaven dwell in the mind,
Ah! I am ragged in twain.
Now sitting in the abyss of the universe,
I see to the culmination of the heavens
Ponder and sigh why my dreams were snatched,
Why my hopes were trampled,
Why my existence was ragged in twain
By the opposing forces;
My powers were seized, my apron was torn,
I was deprived of the blissful state,
And with baffling mind I assume myself,
It was the brawl of two hostile forces
Ah! My heart and mind were made the battlefield.
Copyright ©
MuhammadShanazar
... [
2008-04-18 02:51:56] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Am Ragged In Twain
(User Rating: 1 ) by jantra on
Friday, 18th April 2008 @ 06:52:21 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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hey muhammed!
great to see another piece of yours up. i absolutely love reading your poetry. I really enjoyed this! this was jaw droppingly beautiful as usual. just a couple small suggestions i would make is to eliminate the word "me" in this sentence so it reads more smoothly. "Now gaze me not at my nakedness" and possible eliminate the last part of this sentence
"I am the innocent being, who became the victim of jealousy,
so it reads just "I am the innocent being."
because you mention jealousy already at the last line of the stanza so to say it here feels repetitive. those are just tiny suggestions. :) thanks for putting this up!
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