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I said Never
Contributed by
Saruchan
on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 03:01:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I said never,
Still the tears fall,
As the clouds drift past the pearly moon,
The wind touches the tree tops,
And the stars disappear,
With one word it ended
With one word it begun
A smile spreads across my face
As memories drift past my mind
The song that played for us,
And the picture of you,
What space lies between hello and goodbye
A space time can never fill
Nor tears wash away
A smile is all I have left
I said never,
Still the tears stain my face
Reveling the truth of my heart
Something’s change, others remain,
The pearly moon shines from the heavens
And the clouds cast deep gloom over the lonely earth
We are all liars and fools
To believe, to dream, to love,
Yet still the tears fall
The days ended and the long night is here,
I remember the length of your shadow,
The sound of the air you breathed,
Life must end with a goodbye,
I said never.
Copyright ©
Saruchan
... [
2008-04-17 15:01:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I said Never
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 03:38:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Well writen and a good read I can relate to the felling of loss I'm stuck in Iraq away from all I love. Keep writing its been a long time sense I've been on but I will try and read your work when I do. |
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Re: I said Never
(User Rating: 1 )
by SilverRain on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 06:59:53 PM AEST
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| Stunning write. Very emotional and touching. Keep them coming! ;-) |
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Re: I said Never
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 11:40:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I am intrigued by this piece. I do like it a lot.
If it was mine(which iit is not) I would make a few minor changes; such as...
Above, the clouds drift past pearly moon,
The wind touches the tree tops,
And the stars begin to disappear,
and
A sad smile spreads across my face
Somehow in my mind these make a better lead in to the rest of the piece.
Just my humble opinion, just a comment. I would'nt have said anything if I didn't really like the write to begin with.
Very nicely done!
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Re: I said Never
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 11:55:06 PM AEST
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An excellent bittersweet remembrance, passionate and sombre without being either histrionic or maudlin, and with lovely phrasing and imagery. Strong feelings are elicited by this piece, and that knowing nodding of the head.
Spike |
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