|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Why be grateful?
Contributed by
ammar
on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 07:17:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I once saw a man on the road who had no feet
Being shelter less, he had to suffer the summer heat
And too many people have no food to eat
A meal worth a few rupees for them is a treat
Then there are those special ones whose world is all black
And also those the ability to think who lack
Those people I know having major worries
Are unable to sleep at nights that I do with ease
I surely live a comfortable life with no real stress
But not do those with any major illness
Severe losses often leave sufferers’ minds vacant
But have I ever lost anything too significant?
I read in the newspaper about that war-torn land
Where destruction and death are feared to be near at hand
I have ample free time, no doubt, one’s right
But what about those poverty-stricken ones who work day and night?
Such a large number of unfortunate ones cannot read or write
Never do I spare time even to think about their plight
Degraded are some in societies by the unfair lot
While many others are granted no freedom of thought
Indeed, many lives present pictures not so pretty
Do I not then belong to the fortunate minority?
And this, as I ponder, forces me to think:
Have I not reason enough to be grateful each time I blink?
Copyright ©
ammar
... [
2008-04-13 19:17:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Why be grateful?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Monday, 14th April 2008 @ 02:11:07 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| There are indeed so many reasons to be thankful.. and you have noted them so well.. Thank you...Jenni |
|
|
Re: Why be grateful?
(User Rating: 1 )
by jantra on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 12:21:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
ok I will start off by saying that i really liked this poem. I like socially conscious work and this was done pretty well. I do have a couple of issues however mostly with the fact that you are at times struggling to make the poem rhyme which in certain places makes the lines read rather awkwardly and sound choppy. for example in the lines
"Then there are those special ones whose world is all black
And also those the ability to think who lack"
first of alll who are the "special ones"? the blind? but its the second line that reads awkwardly. this is just a suggestion but it might read smoother if it read "The blind live in a world of black, and there are those who even lack the ability to think." it still rhymes but reads more smoothly and more naturally.
the rhyming also reads awkwardly in this line
"Those people I know having major worries
Are unable to sleep at nights that I do with ease"
It might read more naturally as "People I know with major worries are unable to sleep at night, but i can with ease"
I wont go through the whole poem line by line but you see my point. there are a couple other places where you are more worried about rhyming then the flow of the poem. My suggestion is to read the poem aloud to see how it flows. and above all dont feel like you always have to rhyme. these are just suggestions i hope they were helpful :) jantra
|
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
