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Done Waiting on You
Contributed by
Bubbles02
on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 02:18:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Again and again, I’m disappointed by you.
You said you will, but then never do.
I wonder now, are you really worth my time?
What you’re doing, it must be a crime.
Every time you don’t show up, my heart breaks a little more.
I know I shouldn’t be keeping score,
But how many times have I done this to you?
If any, it’s been very few.
I think that I’m tired of waiting for you to change
What they’re saying might be right; I’m out of your range.
No, I don’t think I’m better than you, but I need what you cannot give me.
And that, you don’t see.
You don’t see how much you’re hurting me,
And half the time, I wonder if you even care.
To me, it doesn’t seem fair.
I gave you everything I could.
And what you gave me so far; I should've known that was all you would.
So I’ve decided that I’m done waiting on you.
Go find someone new,
Someone that doesn’t care so much about what you do.
Find someone who doesn’t care about how much you hurt them,
Because you’ve caused me too much mayhem.
That is why you have lost me.
And it’s best if you just agree.
Copyright ©
Bubbles02
... [
2008-04-13 14:18:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Done Waiting on You
(User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 07:41:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| ............... what? sorry, i dozed off for a minute |
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Re: Done Waiting on You
(User Rating: 1 )
by jantra on
Monday, 14th April 2008 @ 07:28:07 PM AEST
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hi! well i liked this piece. what girl cant relate to the feelings expressed in this ;) however i did feel that this poem would have been better without rhymne which at times seemed a bit forced and out of place. It works well in the first stanza with these lines
"Every time you don’t show up, my heart breaks a little more.
I know I shouldn’t be keeping score,
But how many times have I done this to you?
If any, it’s been very few."
but the rhymning felt a little forced with lines like "what they're saying might be right i'm out of your range." because you were looking to rhymne with change you added a line that is unneccary and does not make sense or flow well with the rest of the poem. I also felt like the poem might have benefitted from making the lines shorter because i felt there were a lot of filler words that hindered the overall flow of the poem. you have a great sense of style and i do look forward to reading more
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