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Cyber Infidelity
Contributed by
Lindy_Lee
on
Thursday, 10th April 2008 @ 04:09:44 PM in AEST
Topic:
InternetLove
|
To think that you could say to her
The things you’ve said to me
To think that I’m the only one
How foolish I must be
To see those words across my screen
Addressed to someone else
Was almost more than I could bear
I’ll tell you how I felt
I felt as though the words we shared
Weren’t meant for me alone
I felt my heart inside my chest
Sink further than I have known
“I want this to be a high for you”
Are worlds you often say
But today I felt those words untrue
For this is truly my lowest day
Copyright ©
Lindy_Lee
... [
2008-04-10 16:09:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cyber Infidelity
(User Rating: 1 )
by ZiggyB on
Thursday, 10th April 2008 @ 09:17:07 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Nice flow to this. I enjoyed reading it. Good piece of writing. |
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Re: Cyber Infidelity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Thursday, 10th April 2008 @ 10:40:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Lindy,
quite good - however a few words longer then it need be misstep the metre eg 'than I have known' could be shortened to 'than I've known' and 'for this is truly my lowest day' is too many syllables for the conclusion and mismatches the previous line.
Check spelling too - 'worlds?
Still, a great take on betrayal, virtual style.(some things never change).
Spike |
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Re: Cyber Infidelity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ruby2sdy on
Friday, 11th April 2008 @ 02:11:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
I agree with the points Spike has made, and I also enjoyed reading it; the tale is simlpy put across with a nice rhyme and rhythm to it, thank you,
Tuesday x |
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Re: Cyber Infidelity
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Friday, 11th April 2008 @ 06:31:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
wow this is a very good write on getting played by someone .. via net.. that happens to everyone and its not just on the net you have conveyed that messege well
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: Cyber Infidelity
(User Rating: 1 )
by jesusofholland on
Friday, 25th April 2008 @ 09:29:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Very good but very sad reflection of how it feels to be cheated on. Good work. |
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