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Inner Walls
Contributed by
Poetic_punk
on
Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 01:44:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
So now you see the fear from inside and out
Secure within, out there the world awaits
From this side of my inner walls i shout
all my inner thoughts expressed in hates
Within my walls i am safe from you
the outside world cannot see
I wish they understood the truth
From the fear inside they flee
Copyright ©
Poetic_punk
... [
2008-03-26 13:44:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Inner Walls
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 01:56:49 PM AEST
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I think you expressed it well here David.
Within my walls I am safe from you...
That is solid..... yes we build our walls dont we?
Hugs
Michelle |
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Re: Inner Walls
(User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on
Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 05:57:37 PM AEST
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first of all, Punk's Not Dead!!
but seriously, this is interestingly vague and offers a lot of reader interpretation, especially when you say you can't express ur depression words.
the outside world is a scary place, i agree |
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Re: Inner Walls
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Wednesday, 26th March 2008 @ 08:32:13 PM AEST
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P-p,
I appreciate the sentiment although it doesn't pack much of a punch for a poem about depression. And the rhyme is a little contrived.
Last time I looked at a dictionary, hate was a verb, or a noun, but 'hates' isn't even a word, man! Perfect rhymes only work when they are natural and not 'made to fit'.
'From the fear inside they flee' sounds like something Yoda would mumble - again splicing proper English to satisfy the perfect rhyme just undoes any good work before it.
Spike
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