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Can't Expect You To Notice
Contributed by
Marrs
on
Monday, 24th March 2008 @ 03:48:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
You used to inspire me so,
bring words to my lips without trying.
But now, you bring forth nothing.
No moth to the flame,
no infection to the burn.
Instead leaving behind a taste,
no traces of true wrenching pain or empty loss.
But a dull, metallic taste in my worthless mouth.
Almost a coppery liquid, not sweet nor sour.
The dull taste, but taste nonetheless, than that of blood.
Liquid consistency, pushing and pumping.
The fuel to the engine, that paper or plastic heart.
Funny thing though, heartbeats, see.
The sound of birth, life, it terrifies me.
I will run at the sound, enhancing those animal instincts.
I tense, I watch my back, and take flight.
Does life itself scare me?
I can't particularly outrun it.
The constant pump, thumpthump thumpthump, is it so frightening?
Perhaps I know how quick a heart turns to nothing.
Can mean nothing.
I hear it again, but I dont run from the heart of the problem.
Just from you again, that taste.
You leave me, no pain, no holes to fill I guess;
you just leave your taste of metal.
The taste of dull blood the morning after.
Copyright ©
Marrs
... [
2008-03-24 15:48:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Can't Expect You To Notice
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Monday, 24th March 2008 @ 03:58:04 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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After only a couple of readthroughs, I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. It is certainly distinctive, and the last few lines work very well. The rest I think may not be quite vivid enough for what the poem is trying to do (keep in mind, I may just be too tired now to pick up on such imagery). It's a good poem. Not a great one perhaps, but perhaps it just needs a bit of editing.
Feel free to ask me for a more lucid analysis if you so desire.
Solomon |
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Re: Can't Expect You To Notice
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Monday, 24th March 2008 @ 08:35:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is very interesting.. I enjoyed reading this..
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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