Your Poetry Dot Com

Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com - Read, Rate, Comment on, or Submit Poetry. Browse Poetry Forums, or just enjoy other parts of our poetic community.
One of the largest databases of poetry on the net, now over 198,500+ poems!

Poems On Site: 198,500+ Comments On Poems: 427,000+ Forum Posts: 105,000+

Custom Search


Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 12:25:00 AEST

Menu

· Our eBay Store

· Error Submit

Poetry

· Submit Poetry

· Least Read Poems

· Members Listing

· Old Site Post 2001

· Old Site Pre 2001

· Poetry Archive

· Public Domain Poetry

Stories

· Stories (NEW ! )

· Submit Story

· Story Topics

· Stories Archive

· Story Search

Community

· Our Poetry Forums

· Our Arcade
100's of Games !

Site Help

· FAQ

· Feedback

Members Areas

· Your Account

· Members Journals

· Premium Sign-Up

Premium Section

· Special Section

· Premium Poems

· Premium Submit

· Premium Search

· Premium Archive

· Premium Topics

Fun & Games

· Jokes

· Bubble Puzzle

· Cross Word Easy

· Word Hunt

Reference

· Dictionary (Rhyming)

· Site Updates

· Special Content

Search

Top

Help This Site

· Donations

Others

· Moderators

Our Other Sites

· Embroidery Design Store
· Your Jokes
· Special Urls
· JM Embroideries
· Public Domain Poetry and Stories
· Diamond Dotz
· Cooking Info and Recipes
· Quoof - Australian Story

Social

Crimson Rains

Contributed by Suicide_Princess on Monday, 24th March 2008 @ 11:51:25 AM in AEST
Topic: Suicide

She was so innocent
She was never treated the way she deserved
So innocent and pure
Forgotten in the turmoils of other's lives
Tears cover her face, then the pillow
As darkness lay its cover over the world
A broken angel prepares to take her flight
Clutching the blade, she makes a last wish
Written upon a small piece paper
Wishing nobody would have to live her life
Wishing to be forgotten
The dawn comes and a storm wait on the horizon
Laying on the bed in her silk gown
A crimson princess lay, blade still in hand
One tear lay on her cheek
The angel finally broke free
Set free to take her flight to a better life
Rains begin to play their solemn tune
Lightening cuts through the dawn like the blade in her hands
A roar of thunder shouts out in anguish
The loss of a beautiful soul
An angel with broken wings
Finally, breaking free of her harsh reality.

Copyright © Suicide_Princess ... [ 2008-03-24 11:51:25]
(Date/Time posted on site)

Advertisments:

Previous Posted Poem | | Next Posted Poem

Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more

All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title etc.

Re: Crimson Rains (User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on Monday, 24th March 2008 @ 12:06:04 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

You have a good deal of potential, but you need to be more courteous to the words (not that I'm one to talk, i can be pretty well brutal with them).

What I mean by that is consider what each word feels; for instance, Crimson Rains is a great title not because crimson modifies rains, but because it embraces it, causing the two words to merge. Another example is broken wings, which is always a great coupling of words.

However, "Lightning cuts through the the dawn like the blade in her hands" is too much. It takes away from the experience. Even just taking out "the" before "dawn" alters it significantly.

In any case, it's good, but it could be better.

Write Everything

Always,
abraham

While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. ©

Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster

All submitted items are Copyright © to their submitter. All the rest Copyright © 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.

Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com