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Alone vs Lonely
Contributed by
Marrs
on
Friday, 21st March 2008 @ 11:23:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
Nostalgic
|
Its' a sick cycle and there is not a way to break it
Taking deep breaths to keep my head afloat, to lighten my head
His scent spins deep into my soul and I am still no better
Settling onto the bottom of my stomach I feel
Feel more than I should after such a time and distance
What is a memory such as this
One with such a power that it shakes my body
Tugging and pushing against as if, but no remind myself that it isn't
And when the sweat begins to seep from my skin, it is his too
When flesh is so close and creates the friction that
Pieces melt together and I always seem to be left with less of my own
Though there are few and they come as quickly as they go
With these remnants I am left with until the next thief arrives
My lips are not even mine, I could rub them til tears
Tears that would sting and burn like his mark did to me
A bruise left not only upon the mouth, but within the mind as well
I cannot freely bleed for that too brings his taste back to me
As if it would leave on its own accord, I think not
Being alone is fine, but feeling lonely is another thing entirely
Wait til his habitual smoke leaves my hair and then pace
Pace until the day when my clothes no longer slur of Jim Beam
It is as it has always been and others will come again
Discover me and my incompatibilities and they will leave
Move away so others can leave themselves behind for me to carry
On to the next one I guess, on to the next
I am the stepping stone for him, any one of them
Climbing onward and past the thing that makes them realize
We could all do so much better than her
No matter to me, it doesn't matter I say for in someway
I am doing my part though it's worthless
In some form I am what makes them find their best
Desperately I whisper into my mind a thought
Will not anyone stay here, learn to lie in toleration for me
As soon as brain registers the thought I know inside
I would not want that, do not want them anyway
Murmuring into these empty sheets how I wish they could warm themselves
Warm up the sheets with this body alone, this learning experience the boys can do without
Toss and turn but it's useless cause I know there isn't a soul to rub against
Forgetting him, is yet another thing I give up, what's the use
Possessor of this, identity smudged with whatever they graciously decide to leave
Some point will come, and another will try his hand along this conformed mess
Crushing the lingering taste with his own saliva, his own wordly liquids
Finishing he will know what he no longer wants and continue his search for the better good of himself
I will lay in the folds of a bed only I sleep in, caressing a face that hasn't got a chest to rest against
Unhappy with myself, what intrigue could anyone find within
Not a girl that makes you hang around, I know when they are gone
Memories of me are not going to be staining even their dirtiest shirt
Wistfully I keep myself awake asking myself playful children's questions
What would you like to be when you grow up
Don't wish, want not, you cannot have what isn't meant for you
Heavy head finally presses into these linens knowing when I emerge
It will only be after dreams of another being, only to wake and see no one near me
Happens consistently, wonder why I waste my minutes on thinking
Something this deep isn't going to leave unless to be replaced
Unlike myself til one more comes on in to rearrange the memories
Were they real, do I really miss what I am without is this
No, he too leaves and then I inhale slowly and once again
The scent settles right into me and I will not forget
Copyright ©
Marrs
... [
2008-03-21 23:23:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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