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What do you do?
Contributed by
BirdUnableTofFy
on
Thursday, 20th March 2008 @ 10:09:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
what do you do...
when everything just seems wrong
when there is no reason for you to move on
when all you dreams, they just can’t come true
when nobody cares, nobody sees the pain in you
what do you do...
when all you really want is to die
when your life is all about blood, hurt, and the tears that you cry
when you are too weak to let go
when people don’t, but something inside you want them to, know
what do you do..
when you do not know if you actually wanna feel better
when you are writing your own suicide letter
when the time has come,
when you don’t know who you are or where you came from
what do you do...
when you are lost in your own life
when the only thing that can kill the pain in you is your knife.
What do you do..
When you see no light
when you have no strength to fight
when you are just falling and falling
when you scream and shout, but nobody hears you calling
Please tell me, what do you do?
What helps you fight your way through?!
Copyright ©
BirdUnableTofFy
... [
2008-03-20 22:09:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What do you do?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bleedthelove on
Friday, 21st March 2008 @ 02:49:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I wish I could give you the answer but I'm still searching for it myself. Your poetry is so on point. Excellent poem. |
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Re: What do you do?
(User Rating: 1 )
by marie on
Friday, 21st March 2008 @ 06:23:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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you stay strong...you remember those that love you...you seek help from them and others...you cry...you pray...you tell yourslef that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. you dont hurt yourself...dont commmit an act that you can never take back...and act that hurts so soo many people. the pain felt after losing someone to suicide is indescribable and i beg you not to leave those that you love with that feeling. there is always someone you can turn to, even if it feels like you are alone...you never are. suicide is not the answer...please...stay strong and feel free to message me whenever you are feeling down...im here for you. i may not know you, but i will help you in any way that i can.
lots of love,
marie |
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Re: What do you do?
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Friday, 21st March 2008 @ 08:41:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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this is a very sad poem and its a question that we all ask and have asked in trying times.. there are no right or wrong answers for this but i love the way you conveyed the poem.. nicely done
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: What do you do?
(User Rating: 1 )
by SilverRain on
Sunday, 23rd March 2008 @ 05:22:55 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Love this! so much emotion and feeling in there!!!! you are very talented! 'What helps you fight your way through?' - sharing the pain...that helps. |
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Re: What do you do?
(User Rating: 1 )
by jantra on
Saturday, 19th April 2008 @ 12:24:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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ok this is the second piece of yours that ive commented on and i feel it has some of the same weaknesses as the last one. I feel you do have a lot of talent thats why i am spending time commenting on your work. But I think the main area for me in which your writing might be improved is to trim out all the excess words. you can still say the same thing with less words and the words that you do use will have more impact. As it is now your poems verge on a diary entry rather then a poem for this reason. This again is also one that should be broken up into stanzas. clumped together like this is hard for the reader to stop and let your words resonate. i will give you another example of how it could sound should you choose to take out some of those filler words and distill the poem down to its bare essence.
what do you do...
when everything seems wrong..
when there is no reason to go on..
when all your dreams cannot come true..
when no one sees, or even cares what you're going through?
what do you do...
when all you want is to die...
when life is blood, hurt, and the tears that you've cried...
when deep down you know
you're too weak to ever let go?
what do you do..
when you don't know if you even want to feel better...
when you begin writing your own suicide letter..
when you don't know who you've become,
when you've lost who you are, and where you came from?
what do you do...
when you're lost in your own life
when you try to kill the pain and have to turn to the knife?
What do you do..
When you see no light
when you have lost the strength to fight..
when you're falling and falling
when youve lost your voice from screaming, but nobody hears you calling?
Please tell me, what do you do?
What helps you fight your way through?!
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