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All at Sea
Contributed by
jerseysue
on
Sunday, 2nd March 2008 @ 10:59:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
The clouds they drift in aimless sky
Upon this life of mine
The sun is shaded by hidden doubt
No matter how I try
Far horizons , so out of sight
No future ahead for me
I live this life of solitude
I am so lostand all at sea
The waves they spill over my head
As the current takes me under
Is this my just desserts I see
My punishment I wonder?
I am drowning in a sea of doubt
The sky is dark and eerie
My mind mixed up, my soul is torn
And I am tense and weary
I am submerged , held by despair
I want so much to be free
But I cannot break these hidden chains
For I am lost and all at sea
Copyright ©
jerseysue
... [
2008-03-02 22:59:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Monday, 3rd March 2008 @ 12:03:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Very nice. The structure kind of leads you through the poem, and I very much enjoyed the story you told, with a very touching ending that works well with the subject matter. The rhythm and form made for an easy read. Thank you for sharing this, I'm glad I read it. |
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 3rd March 2008 @ 04:24:44 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Sue, this is just heart wrenching! I love the metaphor you used,
though. It really cuts to the core. Your word choices have the power
to afflict your readers with sadness and pain and the ending was so
powerful. Very emotive and distressing.
Excellent post, poet! I hope things are not as bad as they seem
in this piece, but even so, I know you have a strength within you
to rise above. Peace to you, friend.
*hugs to you *
~Breezy
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by tifrob on
Monday, 3rd March 2008 @ 06:09:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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It is a heart wrenching piece. Your readers feel your words and that's the essence of a poet. Good luck.
~Me~ |
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wildecat on
Monday, 3rd March 2008 @ 09:57:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Sue, this is a beautiful poem, thanks for telling me about this site. Thanks for sharing this wonderful poem. Take Care.
Love and Hugs,
Wildecat, |
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Tuesday, 4th March 2008 @ 05:12:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
wow this is amazing.. I love the wording.. this just is so expressive and flows together so perfectly.. I absolutely love the last stanza.. its so painful and yet so powerful. beautiful work here !!
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by LoveStruck_Hippie on
Thursday, 6th March 2008 @ 05:42:37 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a wonderfully powerful piece. The intensity in the metaphor profound.
Thank you for sharing
Peace
~Shannon |
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by wheels on
Monday, 4th August 2008 @ 06:14:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I must say - wow - beautifully written.
--Kevin
the lonely vagabond |
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Re: All at Sea
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 18th May 2014 @ 12:52:40 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
heartfelt and truly beautiful with vivid imagery,
hugs n' love nessa |
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