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I Hate Who I Am
Contributed by
desolantdreamer
on
Friday, 22nd February 2008 @ 05:33:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I stand in the shower
The water washes down upon me
As if to cleanse myself of my problems
Am I crying?
I can't tell
Lately I feel like I'm drowning
Much too much
Suffocated by my self-hate
I can't help it, I hate myself
Who I am, my talents, my looks
They all cause me nothing but grief
I suppose I should be glad I have talents
But I just wish I were better
In my mind I paint a masterpiece
Yet no matter how hard I try, how much I practice
My drawings don't compare by far
I want to cry when I look down at my talentless hobbies
"You're so good at this!" people say about my writing, my drawing, my singing
I'm mediocre at best, I hate their encouraging lies
"Just practice more" or "You're improving" just bring me down lower
I don't want to be the best
And I don't want to be famous for my hobbies
I just want to be as good as everyone else
Instead of "honorable mentions", I want to make 3rd or 2nd place!
I'm trapt inside the frame of my limitations
And I long to break free, paint outside the lines
I give all I have in everything I do
My drawings, my poems, my stories
And yet find that I'm no where near close to where I want to be
I can't speak to people
I find it impossible to say what I am trying to
And ramble on and on to someone about my life's story
When they just wanted to know what's up
I grow too attached too fast
And scare off many people I try to connect with
I hate who I am
I can't swim, I can't dance, my acting ability is limited to my room
I long to star in a play
To stand on stage and pour my soul into the role
But I stumble on my words, and mutter too much
Lose my place in speech and can't stop myself
I can't stick up for myself
And when I defend others, I do it badly
I feel useless
I hate who I am
I've been broken for so long
And realize that I will never get to where I want to be
B's and one A should be grades worth celebrating, right?
I scold myself, tell myself I should have worked harder
I can't accept myself
I argue with my mother
And let people walk all over me
I cry when I think of HIM
And I don't let myself cry out when I get wounded
Sometimes I would stick my arm under scalding hot water
If I don't cry out, I feel slightly stronger
I hate who I am
There are more times than not when I bottle up my stress
I blow up at my parents after I've delt with more stress than I can handle
And then scold myself for letting my emotions get the better of me
I cry nearly every night
Muttering about how I hate who I am
And how I wish I were someone different
I complain about how something is, but don't try and change it
I'm a hypocrite, a geek, a nerd
My glasses are an inch thick, and my nose itches always
I have chronic headaches that no one can fix
I'm an insomniac and I sit backwards on busseats
I hate who I am
I can't talk to boys
And I nearly faint when one comes within arms reach
My heart is easily broken, but my spirit has forever been crushed
I stare at my reflection every day
And curse out my body
My weakness for snacks
My waist size
I hate who I am
I have too many allergies to list
I'm sore all over, every day
And here I stand
Water washing away my pain
Am I crying?
I think I am
Although I'm too numb to tell
Because...
I hate who I am
Copyright ©
desolantdreamer
... [
2008-02-22 17:33:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Hate Who I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by 5MinutePoet on
Friday, 22nd February 2008 @ 07:26:46 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Ok, i'm going to be harsh with you, as you say that's what you need. A little honesty to let you know where you stand.
I couldn't read through this as a poem, it was a statement of pity. We have all been there but we come through.
You had some god themes you could expand on and turn into valid works.
Technically it was ok and i bet it feels better to scream out to an almost infinite amount of people.
Keep going |
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Re: I Hate Who I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Anesthetic on
Monday, 21st April 2008 @ 03:35:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Feels good to write it down aye. But surely it can only get better. its almost a rant not a poem but i enjoyed reading those things that im thinking to.
Keep up the good work
~Charli~ |
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