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When?

Contributed by trish73179 on Monday, 18th February 2008 @ 06:11:03 AM in AEST
Topic: LostLove

When?

When did the joyful "I love yous"
Turn into heart-jerking "good-byes"?
When did "nothing but the truth"
Turn into "nothing but lies"?

When did the laughter and smiles
Turn into heartbreak and tears?
When did the sparkle in your eyes
Turn into dullness, that went beyond their years?

When did the fantasy and dreams
Turn into reality and nightmares?
When did "all that it seems"
Turn into "nobody really cares"?

When did "I'll be here, forever"
Turn into "Nothing is guaranteed"?
When did "You're so witty and clever"
Turn into "You're not good enough for me"?

When did "can't get close enough"
Turn into "strangers in the night"?
When did the "over-abundance of love"
Turn into "a beacon in mid-flight"?

Written by Trisha on March 30, 2006

Copyright © trish73179 ... [ 2008-02-18 06:11:03]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: When? (User Rating: 1 )
by JohnYamrus on Tuesday, 19th February 2008 @ 01:58:31 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

hi trisha;
on the whole, this is a well-crafted little poem. there's always a risk when you use a repeated word or phrase...you run the risk of boring your reader and turning them off. that's not the case in this poem because you backed up the repeat by following thru with strong lines. your lines are smooth...none of your rhymes sound forced. you actually tamed the form to fit your words...you didn't let the form run YOU.
well done!
john yamrus

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