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Your Ghost
Contributed by
rawjer
on
Sunday, 17th February 2008 @ 06:40:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
SongLyrics
|
Dont...
dont go away...
life is just an afterthought of the sadness you feel today
bring me down to the safety of sidewalks
im gonna find my way back home
and pick up the pieces that fall behind us
constant reminder that I am alone
in these streets so inconsistant
chose my path and rode it out
and that you have fallen behind me
have to take the wheel, overcome my doubts
all the things motivating me
all the things that gave me strength
all the things that I need to...
I learned for you
no im...staring at your ghost
blessed is he who carries the torch
into the valley beyond the mark
judge not yet be judge first
like finding lite in total dark
pale halls begin to narrow
find myself short of breath
ghostly fog moves through it swiftly
blinding my eyes, infecting with death
all the things motivating me
all the things that gave me strength
all the things that I need to...
I learned for you
no im...staring at your ghost
please...
please stay right here...
never let me know, that the end is growing near
Copyright ©
rawjer
... [
2008-02-17 18:40:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Your Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 17th February 2008 @ 10:04:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Thank you. This is a sad write but a breath of fresh air. BY FAR this is the best poem I have read tonight. Which is not saying much, but this is on it's on a solid, emotional, and well woven lyrical thought. You have a raw gift it's there...hell it screams. Just keep writing and evolving. A damn fine work, you have here. This was worth looking through 29 emotionless works tonight. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The safety of sidewalks, inconsistent streets, pale halls narrowing....your descriptions are unique and have a purity it such a dark and desperate poem. I am quite fond of stanza four (or five depending if you count the opening thought).
BRAVO!
Daniel |
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Re: Your Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 18th February 2008 @ 03:38:30 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Well now, this is fine writing. This ghost .. .could be so many things to the
reader, depending on where he is stationed at the moment. It could
be his God, muse or even a real and concrete human inspiration. But
whatever it is to him or you the delivery of your conceptive thought
is outstanding. I only have one tiny criticism, (which I hate pointing out
because I believe in the freedom of poetry as an expression of self),
but when you placed im .. did you mean I'm? Because I would have
spelled that out for the reader and the simplification of the word
light just doesn't fit the atmosphere of this piece. I would have
left "lite" to the beer commercials and spelled it out complete.
But all in all, this was damn fine poetry. I look forward to
more of your work. As SCM said, it is VERY refreshing!!
There is so much emotion in this that I am going back for another
read. Kudos, poet.
~Breezy |
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