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Low
Contributed by
ApocolypseJM
on
Saturday, 26th January 2008 @ 12:40:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
If I only had one penny left,
You would probably spend it,
Now wouldn't you?
Ya, wouldn't you?
If I only had one breath left,
You would probably breathe it,
Now wouldn't you?
Ya wouldn't you?
Undo the stitches that keep everything that
I've got going on together.
Bleeding down, recessing,
Bringing everything back to a lower level.
Or is the devil in disguise?
Complexities start to arise,
Is it a temptation or a revelation?
It all falls at the wrong time.
Creeping real low,
Trying to bring myself back to a sub-level of the person that I used to know.
How does it look when you are so high up in the sky,
And you see everybody just walking right by?
Taking everything for granted,
Like nothing is ever going to change,
And it's always going to keep it's luster and shine.
Then it grows dull over time,
And starts to fade and crack,
And then you have to figure out how to bring it all back.
Final steps to the path of last chance,
So much can change in just one glance,
With open eyes,
And a much clearer state of mind.
What will I find when I climb to the top,
To get that breath of fresh air,
That I've been looking for,
For such a long time.
Kick me when I'm down,
Why don't you just beat me right into the ground.
When it is all said and done,
Everything will just be gone.
Copyright ©
ApocolypseJM
... [
2008-01-26 12:40:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Low
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Saturday, 26th January 2008 @ 12:49:37 PM AEST
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Things do change, people just don't change quickly, Everybody have room for a change..Except people that have a swollen head..
Change is a good thing!!
Just don't on level ground for nothing goes with you and no one dies with you...
God Bless!!
Pretty nice write.. |
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Re: Low
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Saturday, 26th January 2008 @ 07:20:51 PM AEST
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| Refreshingly good. It seems somewhat loose overall, by which I mean there seem to be exess words in parts, and not quite the words you mean in others. For example, "Bringing everything back to a lower level." seems like you described the line you wanted to say/would fit best, but didn't actually find it. If you keep this poem near your head, bounce around ideas for it, and edit it every so often it should turn out even better. Nice job. |
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Re: Low
(User Rating: 1 )
by Poetic_Punk on
Sunday, 27th January 2008 @ 01:44:25 AM AEST
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| Would be interesting to know the insperation behind this one, not a bad poem |
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Re: Low
(User Rating: 1 )
by ApocolypseJM on
Tuesday, 29th January 2008 @ 06:38:14 AM AEST
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The poems I post here are actually lyrics that I have recorded in songs. That would be why it may seem like there are some excessive words in some lines. Although, recorded in song, they fit.
Thank you for your insights though, always appreciated.
And to the other person that left a comment. The inspiration for these words actually came and were written a year ago when I knew it was inevitable that I would end up where I actually am right now. I was in a relationship that was headed down hill and everything seemed to be falling apart. I was having trouble with friends losing thier heads and I was having my own problems. I then decided to move to Las Vegas to live with a friend that already lived here. That didn't happen right away and things kept getting worse, hense the "kick me while I'm down" line. I knew things would get better, or at least change, hense the "to get that breath of fresh air that I have been waiting for, for such a long time" line.
In other words, at the time, I was low.
Two months ago, I finally moved to Las Vegas.
Thank you both for reading. |
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