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Utopia
Contributed by
Buggsy
on
Monday, 21st January 2008 @ 02:19:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
Haiku
|
In a better world
The end justifies the means
Freedom is the price
Copyright ©
Buggsy
... [
2008-01-21 14:19:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Utopia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 21st January 2008 @ 03:36:41 PM AEST
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im glad it follows the traditional pattern, i am so sick of people calling something i haiku when it doesnt follow any of the formats of one. so you actually using the traditional pattern is even impressing with all the times its done wrongly on this site. (end of that little rant...hopefully).
im in philosophy class these days and the first things our class would do is try and define what "better" would mean and what that would mean when applied to the world. and what ends and what means? utilitarianism says whatever makes you and the world happy is a good end and do whatever to get to that means. people find a lot of problems with that though (of course). and who is to say that freedom (would have to be defined) is the price? there is a freedom of means to use to get to the end if you say the end justifies the means. =]
as for freedom being the price in a utopia, meh, humanity seems to be the real price. (but i understand the limitations of a haiku). i really liked this, actually made me use some of my philosophical thinking....::hopes i was thinking reasonably anyway::
on a writing level. i think some punctuation could add some pizazz to this. hypens, semicolons, ellipses, regular old commas or periods. they can really accentuate ideas and points. |
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Re: Utopia
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnknownLegend on
Tuesday, 22nd January 2008 @ 12:47:07 AM AEST
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I would say ....... "Freedom is worth the price" would be a better concept in a better world. We all have different values of what we call freedom. To a toddler. it's venturing past the gate on the doorway ....to a grade schooler it's walking to school unattended, ..... to a teen it's being allow to drive the car alone ...... but, I'm 58 yo and I have seen so many freedoms lost and wonder if they're worth price to regain them.
"Freedom must be available for all or it becomes a luxury for a few" ....Unknown Legend |
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Re: Utopia
(User Rating: 1 )
by ZiggyB on
Wednesday, 23rd April 2008 @ 12:18:31 AM AEST
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I love the direction of this piece. And that it is done as "Haiku" should be, 5-7-5 format.
Maybe it's just me, but had I written this, I believe that my last word would have been "prize."
If the end justifies the means, then to make this a better world, freedom is the key.
If I missed the mark on this, then I apologize. I have just recently tried this Haiku style.
Excellent write tho. |
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