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Firelight (Burn Away)
Contributed by
flamingblade
on
Friday, 18th January 2008 @ 08:06:28 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
All the pain
Flows through the veins.
A flash, a spark, a burn, a flame,
Wincing at the the voice that calls your name.
Run away, lock the door,
the small of burning flesh and screams is what you ignore.
Crying out, full of fright,
Staring into the firelight.
Backing away, fire blazing,
A strike in the heart, a fear raising.
Screaming out, from your soul,
Grief hits you, left you unwhole.
Gritting your teeth, the fire rising,
the dark hunger in you surprising.
Blinding flames explode out,
Quickly circling all about.
Leaps up and scorches your skin,
Plays with you, who can't win.
The light of the fire reflecting on with ease,
Smoke weighs you down, you can't breathe.
Lungs contract, heart stops pumping,
Shattering the images of desperate jumping.
Everything destroyed, turned to ash,
The winds carry away, the heavens clash.
Body gone but soul bright,
Staring out from the firelight.;
Copyright ©
flamingblade
... [
2008-01-18 08:06:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Firelight (Burn Away)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 18th January 2008 @ 04:46:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i really like your use of punctuation, it really helped enhance some rhythm and power in this. the beginning was good, but by formatting this to by rhymed you had some awkwardness show up that negatively impacted the poem so that you could keep a rhyme. you arent very guilty of doing cheesy rhymes in this, but the rhymes did limit a lot of your talent. its hard in poetry to decide the important matter of what is more important? the format or the emotion/concept? one usually harms the other's ability to be used to its full potential. your post reminded me of poe somewhat, so many of his poems are built around the format, and that is what he was loved for. others are loved for their concepts. so what is more important to you? what you are saying, or how you are saying it? |
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Re: Firelight (Burn Away)
(User Rating: 1 )
by reprobate on
Saturday, 19th January 2008 @ 01:45:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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despite a nod of agreement with 9, i must say also i was reminded of a phoenix's fire with this write. damn the torpedoes...
good read anyway!
thanks for sharing |
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