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Hell Train
Contributed by
honey56
on
Monday, 7th January 2008 @ 03:12:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
This train of pain stop’s at every
Train stop
Seeking all that want to step on
Board
You can buy a ticket or ride free
For he welcome one and he
Welcome all
Twisted faces cries out in a
Relentless cry
He welcome all and want you
All..
Screams of pain yell to the
Mountain tops
The pain clamps deeper with
With a eerie growl
He said let’s go for a ride
All Around the track and hence
Forth back again
Pain” O” pain run from me I
Swear I will be careful the
Next go round
Give me peace and free my
Body
From this painful drunken state
That locks me in bondage
For my eyes are blurry
My limbs is crackin”
So much pain for one to endure
The pain is cutting into my heart
It’s piercing through me like a
Sharp knife
Can’t you see my heart is losing
Blood
Drip, drip, drip my blood
Is Rushing and running on the
Floor
Please, Mr. Conductor stop this
Here train
All this blood is making me sick
Please
Let off, “O” let me off
No getting off for this train just enter
Into hell..
Copyright ©
honey56
... [
2008-01-07 15:12:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Hell Train
(User Rating: 1 )
by AKSHAY on
Monday, 7th January 2008 @ 05:56:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| woops...dats one depressing poem ( they call it "dark poetry" ) nowadays.....but wat do you actually want to say through this...what is this train all about ? where does it coem from ? who are seated into it ? |
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Re: Hell Train
(User Rating: 1 )
by ki on
Tuesday, 8th January 2008 @ 12:11:19 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| wow honey..thats pretty deep..sad almost...good write ! |
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Re: Hell Train
(User Rating: 1 )
by drtylilsecret on
Tuesday, 8th January 2008 @ 09:07:12 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
im not a big fan of dark poetry, but i liked the style of this one. it talked about a topic that has had too many poems written about it, which makes it too easy for any other write to about it to be unoriginal, but i think you did good with this one. i saw a bit of originality, and with the avoidance of cliches it could be every better.
nice job. |
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