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my missing piece
Contributed by
apoetswhisper
on
Sunday, 6th January 2008 @ 06:32:07 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
My missing piece
Life suspended in loneliness animation,
A spectator among many to the fruits of love’s labour,
Forever and day spent longing,
For that missing piece I have search for, to fill the ever growing void present in my heart.
Jealousy now a secret friend of mine,
As I am subjected to the daily evidence of love,
Couples hand in hand, bound by love’s honest embrace,
I wished this to be fait.
The search all but given up by now,
But wait!
An explosion of emotion as I take one glance at your face,
Struck down by cupid’s immaculate aim,
Never has one such look changed so much,
You pierced my life and took with it my heart.
I couldn’t have know that you had existed,
With such wonder and mystery encaptured in your kiss,
Eye’s that glitter like the setting sun, with its fading light dancing over the rushing wave of the sea,
I would surrender everything, to spend one moment in your loving embrace.
My search has reached its climatic end,
With my labour love ever fruitful as those I have witnessed,
Hand in hand with you by side,
My life’s jigsaw now complete,
With you,
My missing piece.
Copyright ©
apoetswhisper
... [
2008-01-06 06:32:07] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: my missing piece
(User Rating: 1 ) by JohnYamrus on
Sunday, 6th January 2008 @ 07:45:49 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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i found mytself sadly unable to get past the first two stanzas...
Life suspended in loneliness animation,(LONELINESS ANIMATION IS MEANINGLESS)
A spectator among many to the fruits of love’s labour,
Forever and day spent longing, (DO YOU MEAN FOREVER AND A DAY?)
For that missing piece I have search for, to fill the ever growing void present in my heart.
Jealousy now a secret friend of mine,
As I am subjected to the daily evidence of love,
Couples hand in hand, bound by love’s honest embrace,
I wished this to be fait. (DO YOU MEAN FATE?)
the best advice i can ever give anyone is to read your poems out loud over and over again...the poem itself will tell you what's right and what's wrong. then, be sure to triple check your spelling. if this were submitted to a magazine it'd get dumped out of hand just because of the spelling and haphazard punctuation. take a bit more time with your work and the results will be so much more satisfying.
john
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