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Blanket.
Contributed by
musicXisXlife
on
Friday, 4th January 2008 @ 04:17:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
you.
its you.
You who occupies my mind
Is it good?
I think.
I want
you, you, you,
to sense you
my fingers pine for you
my brain's a one-track record
with you on repeat
?
I long to immerse myself in your you-ness
to be lost in your arms
a tangle of limbs
scents
of words unspoken and whispered
you to keep me warm
and safe
and happy
a blanket
for us
of us
both.
Copyright ©
musicXisXlife
... [
2008-01-04 16:17:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Blanket.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 4th January 2008 @ 04:26:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| intense, passionate, and sensual. i liked your repeated use of the word "you" the only line i'd nitpick is "my fingers pine for you." i dont think it makes much sense. but overall a terrific write! |
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Re: Blanket.
(User Rating: 1 )
by AKSHAY on
Friday, 4th January 2008 @ 05:15:30 PM AEST
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| MMMMMMMMMMM...MAKES ME WANT TO MOVE IN2 A BLANKET MYSELF.......GIVES U A VRY COSY GOODY GOODY FEELING ! |
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Re: Blanket.
(User Rating: 1 )
by JohnYamrus on
Saturday, 5th January 2008 @ 06:05:28 AM AEST
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dear d;
while this comes perilously close to becoming a Hallmark card, it DOES have its moments...i especially liked the one-track record on repeat. that was nice. that was new. that was fresh.
actually, i had a woman come up to me one time after a book-signing and she told me how her son wrote poetry...that it was "so good" she suggested she submit it to Hallmark. you can find the results of that encounter in my poem "i'm getting mean" which is posted on this site.
take care...
john
p.s. i'll keep my eyes peeled for more of your stuff.
jy |
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Re: Blanket.
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheGrimReapersHourglass on
Saturday, 5th January 2008 @ 08:37:14 AM AEST
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| Great Poem:Blanket:Reminds me of my own at times and dreaming to share like LINUS on Peanuts.Mr.Peanut definatly has a Petrified Can hes been standin there for years.Comment From The Grim Reaper,DevilsPriest KnownAs LORD,Denver L. Jr. |
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Re: Blanket.
(User Rating: 1 )
by little_genna on
Saturday, 5th January 2008 @ 02:52:04 PM AEST
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That describes many a moment between me and my speacial guy...apart from he is now 5000miles away...
i think the line my fingers pine for you does make sense...
love it! |
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