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If I Could Write
Contributed by
honey56
on
Friday, 4th January 2008 @ 04:48:30 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
If I could write you a poem each
Day,
What would I say?
Could I say my heart is hoping
My love is growing
In full bloom
My mind is racing as that free
Spirit,
My arm’s are waiting for your
Embrace
My eyes seek you in a crowd
To call upon your affection for
A love that will be bonded
To blossom without an end
So
I hasten to feel your warmth
As my body melts within
Your
And bloom to perfection
This poem I do declare is my
Heart desire..
For this one poem is written
Especially for your heart
And mine..
Copyright ©
honey56
... [
2008-01-04 04:48:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If I Could Write
(User Rating: 1 )
by little_genna on
Friday, 4th January 2008 @ 04:53:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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this is sooo sweet but i read it with a sad under tone but that could be because i left my love behind when i moved away.
yet again i love your flow!!!!! |
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Re: If I Could Write
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 4th January 2008 @ 06:37:32 AM AEST
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Lovely lovely as a always, this one realy is
oustanding your heart is speaking quite
exquisitly and in a jubliant mood . . .
Ben
thank you also for your comment
here's to a most poetic and happy
New Year . . . |
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Re: If I Could Write
(User Rating: 1 )
by JohnYamrus on
Friday, 4th January 2008 @ 07:37:11 AM AEST
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"As my body melts within
Your"
you probably meant to use "yours"
"This poem I do declare is my
Heart desire.."
you should be using the possessive here: "hearts'
"For this one poem is written"
using "for" is hackneyed poemspeak. people use it because they think it SOUNDS poetic. sure, there was a time and place for it years and years ago...but today's more natural poetry sounds forced and faked when "for" is introduced. your line is much better not using the word at all. try it without the "for" and see if i'm right.
i know my comments may sometimes feel harsh, but i'm not about to monkey up and say "great write" just because i want someone to feel good. i want nothing more nor less than seeing people able to write the best poetry they're capable of producing...of reaching deep inside and seeing what they find.
poetry.
the real stuff.
other than that, this is a nicely done piece of writing.
best...
john |
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Re: If I Could Write
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Sunday, 6th January 2008 @ 12:45:40 AM AEST
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| The truth of a heart is simple and this simply is a wonderful heart spilling piece of work. Love opening like a morning glory and shining its light onto the morning...well done |
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Re: If I Could Write
(User Rating: 1 )
by ali9382 on
Tuesday, 8th January 2008 @ 07:52:40 PM AEST
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your poems are most excellent too :)
Especially this one. |
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Re: If I Could Write
(User Rating: 1 )
by amber_vonHorror on
Sunday, 13th January 2008 @ 04:24:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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this is gorgeous
i love this writing well done xx |
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