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Don't give up on me
Contributed by
MissTeenSuicide
on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 10:45:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I have disintegrated in your eyes
The fire, the hate in you, lo,
It's my demise
Why do you despise me so??
I have nowhere to go
I wish someone would
Show me the way-
Light it up
Through the dark
It's just my luck
For this to start
Stay with me
Help me out
Set me free
Tell me what this is all about
Maybe I'm just dramatic
But what if I have a point
It doesn’t help to be empathetic
Because all I do is disappoint
I wipe away my tears
With my arm of searing scars
Being attacked by all my fears
Before I'm up behind these iron bars
Is it that time again??
Time to fake a smile
Yes I'm fine, I've always been
You'd think I wasn’t so defiled
But I wasn't part of the setting today
You noticed I was there alone
But why would you care anyway?
If I die, or burn, or turn to stone?
Please stay with me
I am too faltering
Please help me see
What this is all about
Copyright ©
MissTeenSuicide
... [
2008-01-01 22:45:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Don't give up on me
(User Rating: 1 )
by crazy on
Wednesday, 2nd January 2008 @ 03:53:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"is it that time again? to fake a smile."
i live this every f***ing day of my life. |
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Re: Don't give up on me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 3rd January 2008 @ 09:15:39 AM AEST
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| i think you have a lot of potential, your poem takes me back to my own teen years when i wore black and wrote angry poems in small letters ;) the only line i'd nitpick is "its just my luck for this to start" it either needs to be expounded on so the reader understands what exactly is starting or deleted altogether because right now it doesnt make a lot of sense and overall is unnecessary |
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Re: Don't give up on me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 5th October 2009 @ 07:03:38 AM AEST
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a Message)
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You definitely started off well. This was emotional but it remained coherant. Many people can do the emotion, but it comes out all wrong. Not in your case though.
-Phil |
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