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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 19:23:54 AEST

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Falling On Spikes

Contributed by desolantdreamer on Saturday, 15th December 2007 @ 06:23:03 AM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

This cannot be
It’s just not possible
How could this happen?
I know I always have said age was nothing
When it came to love
But I never thought that this would come about
Why me? Why him?
I can’t feel this way
I just can’t, it isn’t possible!
Four years apart is one thing
Five could even be accepted
But twelve is over a decade
Unacceptable, impossible
It’s wrong, it’s bad
It’s something I’ve never felt before
I want so badly to be with him
But it could never be
I just can’t let it be
Why did this have to happen to me?
I’m falling deep
But I’m falling into a pit of spikes
No good can come from this
Why me?

Copyright Â© desolantdreamer ... [ 2007-12-15 06:23:03]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Falling On Spikes (User Rating: 1 )
by JohnYamrus on Saturday, 15th December 2007 @ 02:33:27 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

okay, let's talk about what's good and what's bad about this poem. first...what's bad...it's yet another banal, trite, sophomoric "i'm falling in love" poem that gives the reader absolutely nothing new to hear or nothing to care about. absolutely nothing.
yet, what's good about this poem is the way you said it. you said it in plain, everyday language that didn't take itself seriously. i got no feeling here of someone "posing" as a poet. i DID get the feeling of someone who needs training and practice and time. but those thing can be acquired. what can't, is the ability to know that a poem doesn't have to "sound" like a poem. that a poem can be new and fresh and different. i've never read any of your other poems, but this one seems well crafted.
so, while i can't say i liked your choice of subject matter, i have to say that i applaud your style and your execution in this piece.
best...
john yamrus

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