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I made a River
Contributed by
ki
on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 01:47:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Is it too late to wonder
What happened to forever?
If I said forget me not
U would think of me never
Nothing was ever right with us
Then we fell out of love
Hopes and dreams so nice to have
But they never were enough
And now I'm only asking you
Just what it is you feel?
If u knew what I thought
Would u believe it's real?
So tell me what u think of me
I'll tell u what I know
I can't get your attention
Unless I turned around and go
I made a river with the tears
I hid inside so many years
And all I fought hard not to show
Is everything that u now know
And now that u know everything
All I can show is anything
For so many years inside I hid
The tears I made a river with
Copyright ©
ki
... [
2007-12-08 01:47:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I made a River
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 02:22:33 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Hey, Ki.
I liked this poem - it has a good structure for the message you are expressing and it makes good use of the rhyme scheme to help it flow.
If you decide to edit this poem later, take into account the meter of the poem - English is naturally poetic with the emphasis on words, so that and just cleaning up some very slight redundancies would make this a strong poem.
Anyway, thanks for posting - it was a good read.
TS |
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Re: I made a River
(User Rating: 1 )
by Scotty on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 09:07:34 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| WOW! That was amazing! |
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Re: I made a River
(User Rating: 1 )
by Scotty on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 09:08:04 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| WOW! That was amazing! |
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