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The Tomb
Contributed by
desolantdreamer
on
Thursday, 6th December 2007 @ 03:17:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
It was dark
The walls reeked of growth and the floor was wet with moisture
Thousand-year-old screams echoed through the long forgotten corridors
Your small candle flickered, the only source of light
Rotted earth and flesh mingled its stenches together in a dance of age
The chains in the cells jingled and shook as if the deceased were still moving
Hollowed eyes watched as you walked by, the light flickering on their boney faces
The milky white remains revealing a torture so disturbing
Your footsteps, magnified by the cobblestone floor, bounce around you
What horrible thoughts run through your mind?
You can hear the mice, searching for some part that hasn’t been eaten already
A small gust of wind pushes past you, extinguishing your light, your hope
Darkness has surrounded you, sinking into you like large, invisible fangs
All you hear now is a soft whisper
“Good bye”
Copyright ©
desolantdreamer
... [
2007-12-06 03:17:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Tomb
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Thursday, 6th December 2007 @ 07:25:01 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Very descriptive, though maybe to the point of drowning out the story. Maybe you could have put more story in, making it longer, and a little less... forced.
Well done.
Take care,
David |
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Re: The Tomb
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheGrimReapersHourglass on
Thursday, 6th December 2007 @ 11:33:43 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Picturetic places a picture in mind first thought my boat.from The Grim Reaper,DevilsPriest KnownAs LORD,Denver L. Jr. |
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Re: The Tomb
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Thursday, 6th December 2007 @ 12:55:58 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I think its teriffic! well done. Vincent |
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Re: The Tomb
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 6th December 2007 @ 09:54:06 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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U most definently got your point accros loud, and clear.
huggs,
emy |
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