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Transcendental Veracity
Contributed by
ryuchan
on
Sunday, 2nd December 2007 @ 08:46:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Split the belly.
A hunger-so raw-humming lightly.
Voice box; sardonic laughter.
They heed, a shadow.
Warm & wet, thin ribbons of red liquid drip off those dainty fingertips.
Slowly, pull the cords of my being.
Shall I open this furrowed tube?
Tear at the flesh that bars my entrance.
More warm liquid; insatiable.
Peel back the muscle, look within.
She rips my veins, I do not cry.
Sultry laughter, she pulls my hair.
Lips swollen from her bite…copper.
Tears; my eyes are moist.
Vision can’t hold light.
I can’t understand.
A brighter tomorrow awaits.
Sleep consumes my thoughts.
I promise not to wake up.
Copyright ©
ryuchan
... [
2007-12-02 20:46:54] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Transcendental Veracity
(User Rating: 1 ) by enigma on
Monday, 3rd December 2007 @ 05:24:54 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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ryuchan,
It works. I know what you mean about, not well written...I am forever editing my stuff. Whatever you have in mind for editing, it can't be much more than fine tuning. You certainly capture a rawness of emotion and the irratic nature of the meter intensifies this. All in all, this was done effectively.
I forget now who wrote it, A Dream Within a Dream...perhaps Poe; your composition brought it to mind.
Pleased...
ron...enigma |
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Re: Transcendental Veracity
(User Rating: 1 ) by Honey56 on
Monday, 3rd December 2007 @ 10:35:33 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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This certainly works for me also..I enjoyed reading your poem..
Happy Holidays |
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