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The Pigeon
Contributed by
muhammadshanazar
on
Saturday, 1st December 2007 @ 01:39:30 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
The dreams are not merely dreams,
Though they are often considered the fantasies,
And futile vain imaginings of the mind;
Yet they portend the stuff for the future.
I dreamt once, I was on the route shingled long,
All alone with grimness I walked,
No one accompanied to share my pang,
It was almost dark, the time of sunset;
All of sudden I heard a voice, urging me to stop,
I stopped and turned behind;
And saw a damsel simply clad,
Though she was bare feet, yet from head to toe,
An incarnation of simplicity and elegance.
She stopped beside me and had a pause,
And in silence stared at me,
Then she brought out a white pigeon,
That she had kept covered under her shawl,
And handing it to me went back,
With out a word spoken.
Many years later I happened to meet the same elegance,
And she became my life partner;
In her company I journeyed the remaining part,
Of the route shingled long but with the soft pigeon of love.
Copyright ©
muhammadshanazar
... [
2007-12-01 01:39:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Pigeon
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Wednesday, 5th December 2007 @ 12:55:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Absolutely beautiful words.
Much peace,
Laura |
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Re: The Pigeon
(User Rating: 1 )
by jantra on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 12:02:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This was truly beautiful as usual. you have a great gift for storytelling in your poetry. however i do have a couple of criticisms. They mostly come down to just minor grammatical things and phrasings. In my opinon in the first line "the" is unnecessary. the second line might be better phrased as "though they are often considered just fantasies" or perhaps the first two lines could be
Dreams are not merely dreams
though they are often dismissed as just fantasies,
and the futile, vain, imaginings of the mind"
I also didnt really understand the fourth line of the first stanza the way it was written. Or the first line of the second stanza "I was on the route shingled long" didnt really make sense to me.I also think you meant to write "pain" instead of "pang" in the 3rd line of the second stanza. those are all just nitpicky things but important because you are such a beautiful writer you want to make sure that every line is absolutely clear to the reader. Overall i loved this, what a unique love poem! |
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