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13 going on 30
Contributed by
johnnywords
on
Tuesday, 27th November 2007 @ 03:37:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Oh, I see young day
trying to be more than morning
defiant at the evening's lecture
blind to afternoon's lesson
such hungry haste for tomorrow's dawn
though its sun has barely dried the dew.
An understanding but gained at night
let not the morning's hurry spoil the day
wisdom will find its mark
when stars fill the sky.
Copyright ©
johnnywords
... [
2007-11-27 15:37:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: 13 going on 30
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Tuesday, 27th November 2007 @ 04:01:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is fabulous.... such a well employed, wonderfully expressed metaphor! I am so very glad that I came across this piece. I'm long since passed it now, but do remember, still, my thirteenth year --- and yes, I remember feeling that I was "more than morning". If I could have found a way to do so, I would have shot myself straight through the day and into the night. : )
Welcome to YPDC! I do hope you continue to share your work here. This really is an excellent first post. Well, well done! My only critique (and I offer it merely as a personal opinion which you may certainly disregard if you should see fit to do so) - is that I found it hard to embrace the title. I do understand it and know that it does, effectively, offer a summary/explanation of the piece - but I would have liked to see something of your excellent metaphor reflected there as well.
Again, welcome. I hope you enjoy your stay here!
~Snemmy |
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Re: 13 going on 30
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 27th November 2007 @ 06:42:47 PM AEST
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A very good write. This title reminds me of a movie I saw with this title a while back.
Good work and welcome.
huggs,
emy
Say happy 13 for me. |
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