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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 05:47:20 AEST

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Invisible

Contributed by Forgotten_soul on Thursday, 22nd November 2007 @ 09:42:07 AM in AEST
Topic: Grief

I am invisible
haunted by tragedy
and victim to a blind society

I am the perfect child
defiant and in denial
I'm caught in a life of love and hate
where the struggle is with myself

I am at fault
and living a lie
until it can no longer be discerned
from the reality of my position

I am afraid
alone, and backed into a corner
when I have no one left to blame
for my selfish needs

I am something you won't admit
I am someone with out hope
because you can't see through me

I am invisible
and no one knows I'm here

Copyright © Forgotten_soul ... [ 2007-11-22 09:42:07]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Invisible (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Thursday, 22nd November 2007 @ 02:55:13 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

interesting piece. i liked your first stanza best. flowed very nicely and had some power, even though this poem is basically about a cliche. your piece reminded me of invisible man by ralph ellison. the first line is something like I am invisible, blah blah blah for that book. the motif for the entire thing is about people being blind to him as a person and just using him. lots of racial bits. its a long book, but you might be interested in it (i was forced to read it, and it did get some what tiring). you did lots of juxtapositions of contradictions and that was nice. i think using more punctuation along with your already useful line breaks can really add some punch to your lines, like "i am afraid- line break alone," etc etc. overall i think your message was great, but i dont like how you made the poem into about you, instead of about them (mentioned in the description). its tough with yourself as the subject because you can sound like a whiney, selfish brat and turn people off from your message that its really about everyone else. i dont know if that was the case here, since this seemed more like a confessional, and not really about anyone but yourself. so you either nailed your intent or using yourself as the subject just sideswiped your intent ::shrugs::

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