|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
if i had a heart
Contributed by
jillian_phan
on
Friday, 9th November 2007 @ 06:06:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
if i had a heart
could it heal
could it reveal
any given truth
behind every given move
if i had a mind
that never seemed to mind
that everything you do
never compliments what you say
____
but all i can say
is
that i met this guy, right?.
he sorta meant a lot
well he meant something
that i never imagined could be of anything
well, he meant so much
in such a strange way
someone ..well, the way i felt i can't explain...
almost perfect... but not...
well, back to what i was saying...
he never stole my heart...
but it poured out to him...
since the moment i realized how i felt..
i knew it was no good..
so in hopes to push him away..
i kinda told him that i felt..
well, it back fired
he told me he felt too...
this scared me...
u see because i never want to ..well, i do desire someone to be there for me,
but, i know he would never, something told me so, but i still hoped..
he said he would, and well, he almost was.. maybe.. i think..
but then he just disappeared like he always does....
and this time i knew i just knew... when he was gone,
i knew how i felt...
i didn't just feel for him...
i wanted to be able to love him..
show him me.. since because i never wanted to be with anyone i never wanted to show him me...
.. i was scared.. scared to continue to meet others in fear that being with them would make me unhappy..
so i just focused on myself...
because if a man or anyone wants anything to do with you..
they would make their efforts...
so i just focused on me..
still feeling sad, turned away, confused...
but i still tried to make the way i felt for him go away...
because to me, it is so strange how could i feel for him this way if i dont even really know him..
maybe it was because i realized from dating the person before that i wanted more than just relations, but a relationship...
i dunno...
i still was scared because i don't want to be in a relationship... i had suffered to much in life to deal with a relationship... i wanted to straighten my life out before loving someone again...
because i am the type to give unconditional love to them...
so, i tried ...and i tried to lose the thought of him in my mind...
but i couldn't... he was someone i couldn't call a friend because we never had the opportunity to be friends but .. he was special to me, real special...
so i had to call him and tell him how i felt that i needed to see him..
so i did, i just needed to say how i truly felt and if it isn't the same then to continue to let go...
except again, he told me that he felt for me too... he said things like before...
i believed because all i want is honesty and i assumed he knew so too..
then i began to realize that he says... he loves me more than i tell him .. he calls me his girl...
this cofused me so much.. that i couldn't think straight
.. with transitions in my life i had to think straight...
so i began to ask him.. what he wanted.. if i was someone he is sure he wanted to be with...
.. he said i was... that he was sure..
.. but something wasn't right.. not at all
.. maybe because i started to imagine ways to make life easier for the both, maybe because i began to want what i thought he wanted...
so i asked him again .. if he was sure.. i asked him to make sure that i wouldn't give my heart that was already open to him.. but so i wouldn't give it to him.. i wanted to make sure that the way i was thinking was right... so i kept asking.. and even though i knew he was going through alot, i just needed that answer,, are you sure... yes or no... if not then i needed to close the door to my heart...
... he must have been confused.. i know i was... but then out of no where
he tells me he's no good for me..
he tells me that he can't deal with love at this time... that i need to be patient... i understood.. i didn't want to but i understood...
because of how i felt.. because it hurt so much.. i just let him go... we were to talk again, because of something else.. but that will take its time too...
... i realized to myself.. as i would go out at night.. and try to make myself happy i couldn't look at another guy...
,, maybe i was too hurt.. and going out was too soon.. all i know is that i just couldn't deal..
so.. i would go to work and go home.. work and home... i would talk to some friends, but ... i knew i wasn't happy.. not just because of how i felt.. because of another way we became involved,
i was set back a bit.. but i wasn't destroyed.. i was able to make ends meet... i was okay, unhappy doing so but okay...
.. so it came time to see him due to the other way we were involved...
.. i had been patient like he asked me to..
i wasn't patient just for him.... but also because i felt for him.. and i didn't want to feel for anyone... so i tried my best..
but i couldn't get him out of my mind..
Copyright ©
jillian_phan
... [
2007-11-09 06:06:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
